Jokes

Kaleidoscope

Half Full or Half Empty?
A well-known proverb states: an optimistic would say a glass is half full, while a pessimist would say it is half empty. What would people of different professions and walks of life say?

The government would say that the glass is fuller than if the opposition party were in power.

The opposition would say that it is irrelevant because the present administration has changed the way such volume statistics are collected.

The philosopher would say that, if the glass was in the forest and no one was there to see it, would it be half anything?

The economist would say that, in real terms, the glass is 25 percent fuller than at the same time last year.

The banker would say that the glass has just under 50 percent of its net worth in liquid assets.

The psychiatrist would ask, "What did your mother say about the glass?"

The physicist would say that the volume of this cylinder is divided into two equal parts; one a colourless, odourless liquid, the other a colourless, odourless gas. Thus the cylinder is neither full nor empty. Rather, each half of the cylinder is full, one with a gas, one with a liquid.

The seasoned drinker would say that the glass doesn't have enough ice in it.

Women are Complex Creatures
Reasons why men will NEVER fully understand women when it comes to dating and romance.

*If you talk, she wants you to listen
*If you listen, she wants you to talk.
*If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman
*If you don't, you are not a man
*If you praise her, she thinks you are lying
*If you don't, you are good for nothing
*If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her
*If you don't, she thinks you do not like her
*If you visit her often, she thinks it is boring
*If you don't, she accuses you of double-crossing
*If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy
*If you don't, you are a dull boy
*If you are jealous, she says it's bad
*If you don't, she thinks you do not love her
*If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp
*If you don't, you are not understanding
*If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait
*If she is late, she says that's a girl's way
*If you visit another man, you're not putting in "quality time"
*If she is visited by another woman, "oh it's natural, we are girls"
*If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold
*If you kiss her often, she yells that you are taking advantage
*If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics
*If you do, she thinks it's just one of men's tactics for seduction
*If you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting
*If she is stared by other men, she says that they are just admiring