Tête-à-tête

Hey People!
There are moments when reality hits you like a ten-ton truck on the highway, and these moments rarely come with a warning. It could be at your high-school graduation, when you suddenly realise that you're done with school. It could be when you board the plane, on your way to a college abroad, that it hits you that you won't be seeing your homeland for several months at least. My own epiphany came on Saturday, when I went to the concert at the All Community Club, only to find that most of the people in the crowd were younger than me. Gosh! I'll be the Granny Next Door in no time!

Well, the Fiction of the Month contest closes today. Thanks to all the participants. Keep your fingers crossed, and we'll announce the winner next week.

I also want to congratulate all those people who scored superbly in their SSC examinations. Those who just got over with their GCE's, best of luck. Take a breather. You earned it. Now, since I'm in a Granny mood, I' going to give the youngsters (A-level grads) a few words of advice. With your exams over, and the pressure off, the sudden freedom might make you giddy, but don't lose focus. If you're planning to apply abroad, start gathering your papers. An admission demands a lot more than just good GCE results. Get a new hobby. Learn a new language. Extra curricular activities really count. Find a job. Work experience also matters. In fact, these are things you should be doing whether you apply abroad or not. If you plan to stay on in the Desh, then consider taking a year off to gather some work experience, or expand your learning by taking special courses. Because our local universities, private or public, offer a lower diversity of courses, and fewer e.c.a opportunities than foreign institutions, it would be to your advantage to get some of that before you enter university. A year off will also help you decide what kind of career you really want to pursue…so that later, there are fewer regrets.

Well, that's all the babbling I'm going to do this week. Take care!

Send your polls, opinions, and queries to [email protected]

By The Girl Next Door

This week, the quiz is only for all the "men" out there. The reason being that it's a whole new story if asking the girls the same question. Next week it will be the girls' turn.
1.You have a comb in your pocket to
Fix your hair when it's messy (1)
Fix your hair before meeting up with girls (2)
OR you don't carry a comb in your pocket (0)
2.If a girl accidentally dropped something you would
Ignore it as she is capable of picking it up herself (0)
Pick it up for her and walk away (1)
Rush to the scene, pick it up for her and try to start a conversation (2)
3.If a girl said "guys are so stupid" you would
Tell her it's not true and get into an argument (0)
Tell her that girls can be stupid too but get into a sensible discussion (1)
Agree with her but tell her that there are nice guys out there too just like yourself. (2)
4.If walking next to a girl in Ramna park in the evening you would
Talk about sports and politics (0)
Talk about your day (1)
Talk about the romantic sky, trees, shantrashis (?) and so on (2)
5.While getting any girl a gift for Valentine's Day you
Get her nothing because you think Valentine's Day is stupid (0)
Get her a funny Valentine's Day card (1)
Get her roses and a Cd with love songs in it (2)
6.For your girl- pal's birthday you
Get her something at the last minute (0)
Spend a week thinking about what to get her (1)
Spend a month thinking about what to get her (2)
7.If assigned to do a certain project together you would
Divide the work and get it over with (0)
Talk about the project outside school, adding in other conversations (1)
Constantly tell her how much better she is than you at everything (2)
8.While selecting a movie to watch together, you would
Pick out an action movie (0)
Pick out a comedy (1)
Pick out a teen movie (2)
9.When chatting to a girl you know from school, you would
Talk about only what happens in school (0)
Talk about music and movies (1)
Try to bring out painful stories of your childhood so that she has sympathy for you (2)
10.You sometimes stand on the sidewalk because
You are bored at home (0)
You are hoping to bump into an old friend (1)
You are hoping to get a girl's attention by staring hard at her and continuously flipping your mobile (2)
RESULTS:
0-5: Not only are you not interested in dating, you're not interested in girls at all! So you maybe have some problems my friend. Try to understand that beneath all those girlie screams, they are sometimes far more compassionate and understanding than boys.
6-14: You are chilling around and having fun with all the girls but you are not quiet willing to become more than friends with anyone right at this moment. However flirting around with too many girls might end up making you the "jerk" of the school. 15-20: That's it, you're in the red zone and desperate to get any girl out there. You're better off taking this quiz on your own surrounded by no one because once the girls find out, either they will try to seduce you into getting a wrong impression of them or run through brick walls as fast as possible!

By Shayera Moula

Feeling, glum, chum? Just need someone to lean on? Don't rely on Pintu, because he doesn't like to be used as a lamppost. You're better off leaning against. If you seek to instill a notion of self-loathing in yourself, WRITE TO PINTU.

Or if the idea of picking up a pen and the extreme hardship entailed in writing by hand fills you with horror, email [email protected] - sorry, the Hotmail address can't be accessed for some reason…

Dear Pintu,
I'm a 14-year-old boy.
- Kwoul Dude

Dear Kwoul Dude,
I sympathize, I really do. Naturally, at this age, you really want to start getting girls. And Nature deals you the cruelest of blows by making you look the worst that you will ever look in your life, causing unsightly pimples to pop up unannounced, and to add insult to injury, you have to deal with the having the voice of a frog with the 'flu. Meanwhile your would-be lovers are flocking to the soulful croons of Older Men. Of course, you have all sorts of mental anguish because "your parents don't understand you"; in fact, you probably feel that nobody understands you. You probably spend two hours trying to have the perfect unkempt hairstyle, and will do anything to seem cool, like acting tough and smoking cigarettes. And I suppose I must not help matters by making you realize that, by default, you are obnoxious. The bane of the earth. A whining nuisance. But that's why I run this column, to help you feel terrible about existence. My advice for you is to crawl under the earth for a year or two. Right now you're a slimy maggoty larvae. Eventually you might emerge a butterfly, but remember, moths also come about in much the same way.

Dear Pintu,
I want to travel to outer space. Please tell me how I can do this.
- Cosmos

Dear Cosmos,
Follow my simple advice and you'll rocket your way to the stars. First, build a space ship. Then get inside. Now start the engines, and lift off. I know you're probably kicking yourself for not thinking of this sooner, but that's why I run this advice column, Cosmos, and you don't.

Dear Pintu,
Good morning sir. I study in Class II. My studies are stresful. I know that I must work hard in school. Therefore my life will be succesful. My classmats are silly. They enjoy cartoon network and toys. They will be sorry when they apply to Amrikun Univarstees for scolership. Then they will know that we all pay a price for fun. I want to become biznessman. Still I need yor help. How can I study more? Study-ing had is the key to succes.
-Bablu

Dear Bablu,
I am impressed by your mature attitude. No doubt you'll be in business school in twelve years time. Your approach is indeed the correct one for utter success. I cannot stress that enough: kids, please, you have to work hard in school, and school only, otherwise your lives will continue to be the miserable failures that they are now! You have to start getting serious at a young age, by the age of seven at the latest. Drop all sports and stop having friends. Your friends won't help you get to the top Universities on a full scholarship. Cartoon Network may be fun now, but wait till you have to sell your blood on the streets just for a slice of bread! If stupid, stupid grown-ups ever tell you philosophical rubbish like "who knows what the meaning of life is", tell them that they're wrong. We know the meaning of life, and that is to study hard, go to the best Universities on a full scholarship and then get the best job possible and make all the money in the world. Bablu, forget about sleep, think of the nice waterbed you'll be able to afford when you have a high paying job in a multinational corporation! Also, start to memorize your textbooks, this way, you'll score the best results all the time, even though you might not actually know anything at all. I wish you the best of luck in making yourself into a fine free-market entrepreneur, and hope you make all the profits that you deserve to!

Types of Women

HARD-DISK: She remembers everything, FOREVER.
RAM Woman: She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.
WINDOWS Woman: Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her.
SCREENSAVER Woman: She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!
INTERNET Woman: Difficult to access.
SERVER Woman: Always busy when you need her.
MULTIMEDIA Woman: She makes horrible things look beautiful.
CD-ROM Woman: She is always faster and faster.
E-MAIL Woman: Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.
VIRUS Woman: Also known as "WIFE"; when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if you don't try to uninstall her you will lose everything. Choose the right configuration for your life.

Compiled by Saki Hasan