| jokes
Talented Dog
 A dog applied for a job as a high-powered secretary with a multinational company. The advertisement stated that the successful applicant must have good keyboard skills, a command of shorthand and be able to speak a second language.
The interviewer sat the dog at the computer and watched in wonderment as the animal successfully carried out the most complex functions, including spreadsheets and e-mail. Then he gave the dog dictation and was impressed by the hounds ability to write a hundred and twenty words a minute in immaculate shorthand.
"Well," he said at the end of the interview, "It looks as if the job's yours. There's just one thing. What about the second language?"
To which the dog replied: "Meow!"
Chihuahua
A guy with a Doberman pinscher asks his friend who has a Chihuahua if he wants to grab a bite to eat.
The man with the Chihuahua says, "We can't go into a restaurant. We've got dogs with us."
"Just follow my lead," assures the other man.
They walk over to the restaurant and the guy with the Doberman puts on a pair of dark glasses before entering.
When he gets inside, the doorman says, "Sorry sir, no pets allowed."
To which the man replies, "It's OK, this is my seeing eye dog."
"A Doberman?" the confused host asks.
"Yes, they're using them now. They're really quite good."
The host shrugs and says, "Come on in."
Next, the guy with the Chihuahua decides to give it a try, so he puts on his sunglasses and walks in.
The host stops him immediately and says, "Sorry guy, no pets allowed."
"You don't understand. This is my seeing eye dog," the man replies.
The host says, "Oh, come on, a Chihuahua?"
At which point the man yells, "They gave me a Chihuahua?!"
Eating Dogs
Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in USA by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs."
"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."
Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk towards him. "Two dogs, please," says one.
The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the nuns hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their 'dogs.'
The mother superior is first to open hers. She begins to blush and, then, staring at it for a moment, leans to the other nun and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"
Talking Dog
A guy has a talking dog. He brings it to a talent scout. "This dog can speak English," he claims to the unimpressed agent. "Okay, Sport," the guys says to the dog, "what's on the top of a house?" "Roof!" the dog replies. "Oh, come on..." the talent agent responds. "All dogs go 'roof'." "No, wait," the guy says. He asks the dog "what does sandpaper feel like?" "Rough!" the dog answers. The talent agent gives a condescending blank stare. He is losing his patience. "No, hang on," the guy says. "This one will amaze you. " He turns and asks the dog: "Who, in your opinion, was the greatest baseball player of all time?" "Ruth!" goes the dog. And the talent scount, having seen enough, boots them out of his office onto the street. And the dog turns to the guy and says "Maybe I shoulda said DiMaggio?"
Source: Jokesgallery.com
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