Chintito

Hail Ho-Mo-Er!

Chintito

There is an uncanny resemblance between the husband-wife shamporko and that between partners in a political alliance; there are so many them, as are disturbed nuptials.

In a divorce court a woman requested the judge: "Your honour, I want to divorce my husband." "But why?" asked the judge. She replied, "Because he is not faithful to me." The judge asked, "How do you know?" She replied, "My lord, not a single child resembles him."

At a press conference an alliance leader declared most indignantly that his party was surely parting with the jote. "But why?" asked a reporter. He replied, "Because the biggest party is not faithful to us." The reporter asked, "How do you know?" He replied, "They are inviting every jodu, modhu and kodu on board; the ship is sure to sink."

From his death bed, the husband called his wife and said, "One month after I die I want you to marry Sam." "Sam! But he is your enemy!" "Yes, I know that! I've suffered all these years so let him suffer now."

Certain of a debacle in the forthcoming elections, the leader of a political party called another and said, "One month after the caretaker government takes over we want your party to invite ho-mo-er to join your lot." "Ho-mo-er! Why this favour knowing that you have always been against us!" "We've suffered all these years so let him suffer now."

At the social party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."

At the maha-samabesh, one mahila kormi said to another, "Aren't you holding your alliance marka upside-down?" The other replied, "Yes I am, I am in the wrong jote."

"Dad, I was away for a week. Yesterday I sent a fax to my wife I'd be home that night, and when I got into my room I found my wife in another man's arms. "Why, Dad? Tell me why!" Dad kept silent for a few minutes, and then coolly said, "Maybe, Son, she didn't get the fax."

"Arrey Bhai, I was away for a week. Yesterday I sent a fax to my colleague I'd return home that day, and when I reached Dhaka I found my alliance partner in another jote's fold. "Why, Bhaiya? Tell me why!" Bhaiya kept silent for a few minutes, and then coolly said, "Maybe, Brother, they didn't get the fax."

A husband visited a marriage counsellor and said, "When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now after ten years it's all different, I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking." "Why complain?" said the counsellor. "You're still getting the same service!"

A leader visited a peer shaheb and said, "When we first formed the alliance, we would come to their office, and the big leader would personally welcome us at the front door and some cute little dogs would run around barking. Now after five years it's all different, we go to their office, the dogs welcome us at the door while the big leader is running around after someone else." "Why complain?" said the peer shaheb. "You're still getting the same service!"

One woman told another: "My neighbour is always speaking ill of her husband, but look at me, my husband is foolish, lazy and a coward; but have I ever said anything bad about him?"

One political leader told another: "One of their alliance partners is always speaking ill of another of their alliance partner, but look at me, all of our alliance partners are unpopular, politically bankrupt, terrorists and greedy for posts; but have I ever said anything bad about them?"

A wife, one evening, drew her husband's attention to the couple next door and said, "Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that?" "I would love to." Replied the husband, "But I don't know her well enough."

A politician, one day, drew his colleague's attention to the politicians of an opposing alliance and said, "Do you see those guys? How devoted they are? He kisses him every time they meet. Why don't you do that?" "I would love to," replied the colleague, "But I don't know how to do the ummah chumma."

A man was telling his friends, "When my wife is infuriated, she starts shouting at me, my children and even at our dogs and nobody dares answer her." One of his friends asked, "And when you are angry, what do you do?" The man replied, "I also shout angrily at the windows and doors of the house and none of them dares to answer back.

A neta was telling his friends, "When our leader is infuriated, he starts shouting at me, my chelas and even at our families, and nobody dares answer him." One of his friends asked, "And when you are angry, what do you do?" The seasoned leader replied, "I also shout angrily at the chairs and tables and none of them dares to answer back".

"You looked troubled," I told my friend, "what's your problem?" He replied, "I'm going to be a father." "But that's wonderful," I said. My friend was not amused and said "What's wonderful? My wife doesn't know about it yet."

"You looked troubled," I told my friend, "what's your problem?" He replied, "I'm going to leave the jote." "But what's the fuss?" I asked. My friend was not amused and said "What's the fuss?!? My party doesn't know about it yet".

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