Different Perspectives

One day, a taxi-driver picked up a foreign official who seemed rather naive who admitted it was his first time in such a big city. As they drove, the officer asked the driver what's the star shaped thing on the hood of the Mercedes Benz was for.

Deciding to play on the official's naivete, the taxi-driver said it's an "aimer" -- for running over pedestrians. He then asked the officer if he'd like to see a demonstration.

The officer was eager to see -- so the driver accelerated and drove directly at a person crossing the street. At the last moment he swerved so as to miss the pedestrian -- but heard a big bang and upon looking in the rear mirror saw the pedestrian lying on the road.

"What happened?!" shouted the taxi driver.
"Well," answered the officer, "I saw you were going to miss him, so I got him with the door!"

A state trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches the lady driver. "Ma'am, is there a reason that you're weaving all over the road?"

The woman replied, "Oh, Officer, thank goodness you're here! I almost had an accident! I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me!"

Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror, the officer replied, "Ma'am ... that's your air freshener."

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fell asleep. Some hours later, Holmes woke his faithful friend.

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"

Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks. "Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent.”

A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck and everyone inside dies. They then get to meet their maker and because of the grief they have experienced, he decides to grant them one wish each, before they enter Paradise. They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is.

"I want to be gorgeous," and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done.
The second one in line hears this and says, "I want to be gorgeous too."
Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted.

This goes on for a while but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in line starts laughing. When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing his rear off. Finally, God reaches this guy and asks him what his wish will be. The guy calms down and says: "Make them all ugly again."