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April 25, 2004 

An elderly patient needed a heart transplant and discussed his options with his doctor. The doctor said, "We have three possible donors, tell me which one you want to use. One is a young, healthy athlete who died in an automobile accident. The second one is a middle-aged businessman who never drank or smoked who died in his private plane. The third one is an attorney who just died after practising law for thirty years.
"I will take the lawyer's heart," said the patient.
After a successful transplant, the doctor asked the patient why he had chosen the donor.
"It was easy," the patient replied, "I wanted a heart that hadn't been used."

*****

Two lawyers walking through the woods spotted a vicious-looking bear. The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulled out a pair of sneakers and started putting them on.

The second lawyer looked at him and said, "You're crazy! You'll never be able to outrun that bear!"

"I don't have to," the first lawyer replied. "I only have to outrun you."