A Little Out There

A man was driving down the freeway when his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!"
"It's not just ONE car," said Herman, "It's hundreds of them!"

Two women were watching the 6 o'clock news. The news was about a man about ready to jump off a bridge. One turned to the other and said, " I bet you $50 the man is going to jump."
The other woman replied, "Okay you're on."
Sure enough, the man jumped, and the second woman gave the first $50.
The first woman said, "I can't accept this money. I watched the 5 o'clock news and saw the man jump then."
"No, you have to take it," said the second woman. "I watched the 5 o'clock news too, but I didn't think he would do it again."

A physician, an engineer and an attorney were discussing who among them belonged to the oldest of the three professions represented. The physician said, "Remember, on the sixth day God took a rib from Adam and fashioned Eve, making him the first surgeon. Therefore, medicine is the oldest profession."
The engineer replied, "But, before that, God created the heavens and earth from chaos and confusion and thus he was the first engineer. Therefore, engineering is an older profession than medicine."
Then, the lawyer spoke up. "Yes," he said, "But who do you think created all of the chaos and confusion?"

A policeman interrogated three women who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognising a suspect, he showed the first woman a picture for five seconds and then hid it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognise him?"
The first woman answered, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"
The policeman said, "Well, uh, that's because the picture shows his profile."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashed the picture for five seconds at the second blonde and asked her, "This is your suspect, how would you recognise him?"
The second woman giggled, flipped her hair and said, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"
The policeman angrily responded, "What's the matter with you two?! Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"
Extremely frustrated at this point, he showed the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asked, "This is your suspect, how would you recognise him?" He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."
The woman looked at the picture intently for a moment and said, "Hmm -- the suspect wears contact lenses."
The policeman was surprised and speechless because he really didn't know if the suspect wore contacts or not. "Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file."
He left the room and went to his office, checked the suspect's file in his computer and came back with a beaming smile on his face. "Wow! I can't believe it. It's true! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"
"That's easy," the woman replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."

Source: The Internet