12:00 AM, February 08, 2018 / LAST MODIFIED: 12:00 AM, February 08, 2018

Slimming Tea Review

Last month after my mother suggested that I shed weight in order to attract a potential husband, I bought Guaranteed Ultra Slimming Tea from a departmental store near my house. The salesman enlightened me it is the best brand of slimming tea there is, hence worthy of its price of BDT 1200. When I read the product description on the packet, I was blown away. Either the person who had written it had memorized the dictionary and decided to throw adjectives at random or the product was actually capable of such providing such wholesomeness. “Brimming with the goodness of exquisite herbal infusions, this tea provides a quintessential, ineffaceable experience for tea connoisseurs, promising finesse and guaranteed weight loss within 2 weeks! Besides the amazing benefits of weight loss, this tea detoxifies the body, revivifying it from within and giving you a youthful glow that will leave everyone at utter confusion about your age! So, enjoy your weight loss journey to the fullest and rediscover a new beautiful you!” was what it said.

Curious about the genuineness of the product, I started my 2-weeks slimming journey. I drank eight ounces every morning after waking up, and every night before going to sleep. Even though the taste is somewhat horrible and reminds you of cow piss, my determination kept me going. I didn't exercise or stick to a slimming diet. The results I received after just two weeks of drinking Guaranteed Ultra Slimming Tea are indeed magical! Within two days, I could notice the sharpening of my facial features and enhanced collarbones. But because the taste was so vomit-inducing, I decided to add artificial sweeteners, and started to gulp it down while pinching my nose close. Within five days, I noticed my potbelly had started to deflate. Even my skin started glowing so much that NASA scientists would have mistaken it for a nebula. Also, I had severe constipation, and I noticed this tea helped my nudges become gentle.

Within a week, I had the body of a Victoria's Secret model. My mother was so impressed that she even bought the tea for herself. On the tenth day, I had lost so much fat from my body that I could start walking on the streets wearing whatever I wanted. In fact, I turned so skinny that this one time I was almost blown away by a gust of wind. On the fourteenth day, I became a global phenomenon. Surviving with only 0.00000001 percent body fat, I became a topic of research among scientists all over the world.

I must say, I am very impressed with this product. I would certainly recommend Guaranteed Ultra Slimming Tea to everyone. I have even heard that if you continue taking it for a few months, you will become invisible, but nobody eventually came back to affirm the tale.

P.S. Guaranteed Ultra Slimming Tea certainly didn't pay me to write this review.

Zarin Rayhana likes to spend her time by pondering over alternative theories about the universe instead of studying for school. Send her your theories at ericaavianazarin@gmail.com