If you think you have what it takes to be called a traveller, think again. To become the best of the best, you first need to re-evaluate and cross off certain must-haves. So buckle up and prepare to have a revelation.
First, you need to improve your Instagram game. The bio needs to have the “Earth” and “Plane” emojis aligned next to each other, with the inevitable presence of the words “Suffering from wanderlust” lingering at the very beginning. Your feed should be filled with picturesque landscapes, some of which you have downloaded from the internet but it doesn’t matter because you’ve travelled to these places inside your head and your version of reality is the only one that’s relevant. If you suffer from travel hiatus, be sure to keep reposting old travel photos at least twice a day to assert dominance of your travelling self.
Next you need to establish your superior travel stance in life by talking about it relentlessly. For instance boasting about your “post-trip depression” after coming back from KORT. Remember, you are your biggest fan, so be sure to never shy away from indulging in conversations about yourself. Make sure to repeat the same travel stories you have from the grand total of three domestic trips you’ve been throughout your life as repetition is key to being remembered.
In order to truly leave a mark, you need to constantly remind the people around you about the fact that you have been on a few more trips than they have and that makes you a winner. Life is a competition and whoever said they’re not keeping count is definitely keeping count. Be sure to always stay one trip ahead from the rest and when all else fails, just stay away from people who have travelled more than you. Don’t need that kind of negativity in your life.
Lastly, you can’t possibly become the best without imparting your superior travel knowledge to your inferior travel aspirants. Whenever you get a whiff of someone planning a trip, be sure to present them with your travel tips, even if you don’t know half of what you’re talking about. Help these poor souls by providing your invaluable assistance even if it doesn’t make sense in terms of cost, comfort and overall quality.
Veronica Gomes is a socially awkward sophomore. Feel free to trigger awkward encounters by reaching out to her at firstname.lastname@example.org