Ramadan is upon us, which means that it’s now the time for an abundance of dawats. You’ve been attending them for as long you can remember. But how well will you perform in them?
1. Let’s start with your outfit. Will you go for:
a. The one outfit that you think is too formal.(4 points)
b. The one outfit that you think is too casual. (2)
c. Anything because you’ll feel uncomfortable regardless of your attire. (6)
2. You get to the dawat. What is your first course of action?
a. Introduce yourself to everyone present there. (6)
b. Seek out the few people you can tolerate and head straight to them.(2)
c. Stand in a corner awkwardly until someone tells you what to do. (4)
3. As you’re blissfully minding your own business, you catch the eye of one gossipy Aunty, who starts to approach you. Do you:
a. Pretend you don’t see her and pray that she scours around for another victim. (4)
b. Fake a smile through gritted teeth and utter a silent prayer for what’s to come. (6)
c. Run for the hills. (2)
4. Oh no! The Aunty has trapped you and is asking you about academics! Do you:
a. Tell her the truth but make sure to sprinkle in a comment about how the education system of the country is in shambles. (4)
b. Bust out a big bag of lies. (6)
c. Passive aggressively ask her about her own children’s activities. (2)
5. The storm of the Aunty has passed, but the seas are still deadly, as is evident by a jolly-faced Uncle who has greeted you and is now asking whether or not you remember him. Do you:
a. Lie and tell him, “Yes, of course! How can I forget?” (4)
b. Tell him the truth and say that babies are not the best at networking/remembering. (6)
c. Open your mouth and then release a prolonged “um” very slowly and hope that he’ll interrupt you with another question. (2)
6. You have finally managed to find some peace and quiet… or did you? A child who drank too much soda comes up to and asks if he/she can play games on your phone. What do you say?
a. Hand over your phone after deleting a multitude of questionable memes. (4)
b. Lie and say that you don’t have any games. (2)
c. Hand over your phone without deleting anything. But you proceed to keep a watchful eye on where the grubby fingers swipe or click. (6)
7. While walking around the venue of the dawat, you notice someone cute. However, there is a very good possibility that the cute person could be related to you. In order to find out, do you:
a. Hyper-analyse their facial features from a distance to notice possible similarities.(2)
b. Initiate casual conversation and try to deduce who they may be related to.(4)
c. Lower your gaze and walk away once you realise that your aunt has noticed you looking at someone attractive. (6)
8. Finally, it is time for the only reason as to why you even showed up: the food. You proceed to take a seat at the table laden with mouth-watering dishes. Where will you sit?
a. Either among the kids or the people who are above the age of eighty. Both parties can be easily intimidated by your animalistic bloodlust for the chicken. (2)
b. Among your peers so that you all can gossip. (4)
c. Among strangers because you are not there to make friends; you are there to devour as much food as you can. (6)
9. While eating, your eyes fall on the last leg piece. Sadly, your eyes also notice that an old lady seated at the table is also looking at the treasure. Will you:
a. Sneakily ask someone if there are any leg pieces remaining so that they feel the need to be polite and hand it to you, effectively rendering yourself free of crime. (4)
b. Snatch it as quick as you can and pretend that you didn’t notice the old lady. (2)
c. Be the bigger person and offer the leg piece to the lady. (6)
10. You have eaten as much as your heart desires and stomach can hold. What will you do with the empty plate?
a. Leave it on the table and walk away. (2)
b. Pick it up and take it to the sink in the kitchen. (6)
c. Take some more food so that the relatives who say that you don’t eat enough won’t pester you. (4)
11. You’ve had a long day but now it’s the time for sweet deliverance. Naturally, your family starts the ritualistic two-hour long goodbye. Will you:
a. Quietly suffer through the never-ending goodbye. (6)
b. Pressure your family into leaving. (4)
c. Call an Uber and ride off into the sunset alone. (2)
22-36: You did not survive and your life is in ruins.
38-46: You did the bare minimum and survived but I’m disappointed in you.
48-56: You did quite well but there is much to be learned, young grasshopper.
58-66: You are the family jewel.