Downsizing my life | The Daily Star
12:00 AM, July 11, 2019 / LAST MODIFIED: 01:18 AM, July 11, 2019

SATIRE

Downsizing my life

Over the last couple decades, the people I kept around had caused me to experience tremendous downturn. After exploring countless alternatives, including giving these people numerous second chances, trying to understand them and empathise or even making adjustments to my way of life to make space for theirs, I was left with no other option. My efforts fruited no substantial return on all the energy and time I had invested in this project and thus forced me to decide on a massive downsizing.

As for the reasons behind my decision, there have been many. My return on investment had been at an all-time low compared to all the time and energy I had invested in these people. The profits were non-existent. I wasn’t breaking even, only breaking down. All these were symptoms of a bigger problem which had a lot to do with my life choices. I had hired the wrong kinds of people to give me company. Moreover, I marketed myself in a way which did not represent who I truly was, thereby misguiding people into believing me as someone I was not. Hence after careful review of all the subjects in question, I came to the decision of eliminating a few positions, categorising them as follows:

The competitive one

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for competing for the betterment of myself. Things got problematic however, when toxic competition started radiating from these very people who I initially kept around as support. The problem aggravated further when they constantly started making everything about themselves.

The energy vacuum

They don’t rest until every last ounce of energy has been successfully drained from your body, leaving you irrevocably damaged. Even though I have fallen victim to their ways time and time again, I realised I kept inviting their presence regardless of the damages that ensued.

The clingy one

When you have someone who sticks to you stronger than the cling film wrapped around the sandwich you had for breakfast, you know something’s not right. While being clingy is okay up to a point, overdoing it results in the birth of toxicity which needs instant decluttering from your life. There comes a time when you just need to tear that cling film off.

The know-all

Everybody has them, hates them but somehow can’t cut them out of their lives. These ‘intellectuals’ have an ardent need to have the last say in every argument and hold record-high scores on the pettiness scale.

His/her honour

They are the judges you never asked for, who voice their judgements on all your likes, dislikes and decisions. The negative stance that they held in my life for so long only meant I had to let go of their company and branch out to more sound advisors who have my best interest at heart.

To summarise, the aforementioned human resources proved to pose as nothing but deadweight to a point that I was left with no other option than to get rid of these liabilities. Consequently, effective immediately, I terminated every individual who fit the description mentioned above from the company of my life. While I appreciated their contributions during their stay, their services are no longer required.

*All terminated personnel will get a non-existent severance package designed to reflect on their non-existent positive impact in my life.

 

Veronica Gomes is a socially awkward sophomore. Feel free to trigger awkward encounters by reaching out to her at gomesveronica1997@gmail.com

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