Aries

Ditch the cowboy belt buckle. Please.  

Taurus

A steak dinner with you is probably awkward. 

Gemini

Tell me. Do you like crickets?

Cancer

You're addicted to Linkin Park but you're one step closer to the edge.

Leo

A friend's dog is named after your star sign. How cute. 

Virgo

Your impulse purchase of the day will be jhalmuri.

Libra

You don't have an impulse purchase of the day. 

Scorpio

Try making some dogs do the mannequin challenge.

Sagittarius

Artorias didn't die for this. 

Capricorn

Be like water. You know, just stay still. Like dat pukur in your graam.

Aquarius

Don't mash your keyboard. Don't.

Pisces

I'm so glad you donated your PS4.