HOW OLD ARE YOU?
Our roundtable hopes to address the global phenomenon of beauty anxiety. Research shows that only 10 percent of women are comfortable revealing their real age whereas the rest conceal it. One in three women consider that you have to be young to be beautiful. More than a quarter of about 27 percent of all women feel judged about how old they look by the people around them. 2 in 5 women have pretended to be younger than they are. Age is a source of anxiety for all women, which generally peaks in their early thirties but is felt as early as in their teens. A quarter of all women say they feel pressure to look younger. Dove is committed to a world where beauty is a source of confidence and not anxiety. We have created a short film, “How Old Are You” to inspire women to celebrate their beauty at every age. Our intention here is to have a discussion regarding the stigma of age and hopefully come up with unique and innovative solutions for this particular agenda.
To bring a positive change, we need to start from our family and our surroundings. I believe in the philosophy that if you cannot change the world, at least change yourself. We need more discussions on the issues of beauty and aging. We have to fight against existing social prejudices that are holding back our girls.
In the world of fashion and acting, and in fact, any other sector, there is more interest in younger people, and this is not just based on their looks but rather on overall productivity. If the female protagonist in a play is an older woman, people will generally not feel attracted to her. We have not been able to generate that kind of content where interest is generated in the life of a middle aged woman, for example. The greater world, to some extent, copies the media world. That is the role model that they follow.
Child marriage is still prevalent in our country. As soon as a girl hits puberty, in many places, neighbours will start talking about her or pressuring her parents to get her married. Obviously, there is a demand for younger women in the marriage market. In fact, poverty stricken families often believe that the younger the girl, the lesser the dowry, and get their girls married as soon as or soon after they hit puberty.
We also need parallel programming for men, as this stereotyping is mostly male driven. I am very surprised to see how younger, educated men give immense appearance pressure to girls. Some 20 years back, one compatriot who was older than me had commented that I had grown older. For a guy, it is fine to be older but for a girl it is a big no-no.
I am a little surprised by these statistics. I would say that perhaps if you are in the fashion world or if you are a model or actress, then the pressure would be a little more than for other women. I was quite shocked when you said that only 10 percent of women are comfortable revealing their age.
Our mothers have a huge role in changing the existing prejudices about beauty. Recently, a girl came to me with her mother. Her mother was complaining about not getting good marriage proposals for her daughter due to her looks. I tried to explain to her that they should find a suitable person who prioritises the nature of the girl to how old she looks. Unfortunately, my suggestion could make little impact on them. These types of social prejudices are holding back our girls. We need to continue our fight against them. We need to highlight women's role in the society.
Our parents hanker after male children. But my experience shows that girls are equally attentive to their parents, if not more. They look after both their family and their parent's family. We need to establish these facts. Our girls should not give in to the social pressure. They need to understand that their destiny is in their hands. They have to establish themselves in the society as valuable human beings.
It is because of these statistics that Dove runs a Self-Esteem project which promotes that Beauty should be a source of confidence, not anxiety. Dove Self-Esteem Project aims to equip young people with the tools they need to develop their self-esteem. I think this is a very important conversation to have because some of us have access to these statistics and know how scary the scenario this is. We need to talk about beauty based on intrinsic values and not based on external benchmarks imposed by society. Dove is very committed to working on this message of real beauty and we all need to collectively speak about this constantly to get this message across.
As the beauty anxieties start building up from a very early age, we celebrate Dove Day, a school outreach programme to reach out to young girls globally, that leads up to the International Day of the Girl Child. Bangladesh has been conducting Dove Day for the past 3 years with the participation growing year on year. This programme educates young girls to identify the unrealistic body standards, social pressures and beauty anxieties. Through different activities and role plays, students internalize what real beauty is about to help improve their self-esteem.
We need to talk with our boys and educate them not to objectify girls. We need to change the outlook of the society. We need more conversations. Those who are involved in the advertisement industry have a duty to change the existing perception of beauty and aging. Our brands should promote positive ideas like changing gender roles and positive beauty image in their advertisements. Media has a very strong role to play to break the age-old notions of relating youth with beauty. We need more conversations in media on these social issues so that women realize that they are beautiful regardless of their age.
One's parents, especially the mother, is the source of every education. I have never seen my mother being worried about the ageing process. Even after a point when age becomes a factor for most people, my mother never seemed perturbed. My mother instilled enough confidence in me to boost my self-confidence. As an actor, I have had to portray characters of different ages, and as an artist, I believe that the experience that comes with age has definitely contributed to my work. Age is not a factor for me; it doesn't cause anxiety to me.
Family plays a big role in creating stereotypes about ageing and beauty. That's why we need to focus on families to bring positive changes. Parents need to understand that age should not be the sole factors in a girl's life, rather age should be considered as an opportunity to be qualified and successful.
I want to emphasise more on the age of the mind than that of the body. To me, ageing means having more experience, more understanding about the world and being more insightful. If you look at great artists like Picasso, Georgia O'Keeffe, Michelangelo, all of them did their best work in their matured age. In the field of acting, when an expression comes from your heart, it becomes more compelling. Instead of pondering over what people think about us, we should focus more on setting our goal of life and working to realize it.
My mother never felt that she was ageing. She had immense confidence and would not take help to climb stairs even in her 80s. In general, I believe that Bangladeshi mothers are not worried about ageing but then again there are some who hide their age due to the fear of being called 'aged', and the fear that their age is a factor to many people. If you feel young, you can be young at any age. How people look at you doesn't matter; your mind is what matters. In Bangladesh, parents often decrease the age of their children, especially their daughters, in their birth certificate or other official documents, either for professional or marital reasons.
When I was involved in preparing the curriculum for our schools, I emphasised on the issue of equity. We started using pictures in the textbooks, where it is shown that boys and girls are helping each other in the household chores, which is generally done by girls alone. In all aspects of life, we need to change this artificial division of labour. It is not a natural process rather it is constructed by the society. We have to establish that men and women are equal in all kinds of work.
When we talk about communicating reproductive health issues, we often ignore our boys. But they are an equally important factor in creating awareness about reproductive health rights of young people. We need to address this gap.
December is the wedding season and post-summer is the peak season for nutritionists. Many mothers come to us with their daughters, stating that the wedding is in December and their daughters should lose the excess weight with immediate effect. Nowadays I often ask my patients, “What about your husband? What is their weight?” It's not a big deal for the men but for these very well-educated women, it is a huge deal. Even in the affluent tri-state area, many housewives come to me stating that their husbands are irritated that they have gained weight after giving birth. We need to change the way we think. Every age conveys a different perspective of beauty. We have a misconception that beauty means youth. As women, we need to believe that every age carries its own beauty and we need to adopt this wholeheartedly. I totally agree with these statistics as I work with a mass community and know that this is an alarming problem for us.
For the next generation, instead of focusing on looks, from a young age, we should stress on specific nutritional requirements. In urban areas, unhealthy nutrition has increased because of fast food and our lifestyle, which boosts our ageing process. There are young girls of 14 or 15 years often come to me with complaints of PCO (polycystic ovarian disease), caused by excess weight or obesity. Exercise, enough amount of sleep, taking in anti-oxidants and calcium and vitamins will not deter the ageing process but will ensure that you don't look or feel older than your age.
I want to share another story where a female patient came to me with her boyfriend. She told me that her boyfriend and his parents want her to lose more weight. I wanted to tell her to challenge her boyfriend, to ask him to change his mind set. I told her that if she could do that, it would be a big achievement. I think our girls should be more confident.
We need to bring about the change in ourselves before hoping for change in the wider world.
Small things in our individual life, like a mother handing over a book to her daughter rather than hiding her age in certificates or a husband telling his wife how beautiful she looks even at 50, can bring about big changes in the society. It will certainly reverse the concept of beauty that stops with a certain age.
I want to request employers not to reject the job application of a woman because she is 40 or above, and has three kids at home. We have to give her equal opportunity to compete with a man of her age.
My mother was a huge inspiration growing up. My mother has always said that your 'fashion' should be according to your convenience. Growing up, I realised that this influenced me to pay more attention to being a good human being rather than aspiring the social beauty standards. I wanted people to consider me to be smart or as a big part of an important conversation. It's different for many other girls who are concerned about their looks as they have to meet certain standards dictated by the society. There are global 'role models' who present them in a certain way which is liked by many guys. Women constantly seek approval from men and the society in general.
When more women will get opportunity to flourish their potential and reach the highest positions in various fields then the glass ceiling will fall apart. It will also shatter those social prejudices that a woman is beautiful only if she is young.
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