Our senior moments…

While I was enjoying a leisurely cup of coffee with a close friend her daughter called on her cell phone. The conversation was punctuated by my friend's repeated interjections: “What? Can you say that again? I can't hear..”! Eventually she disconnected the line and vented her frustration about young people speaking in muffled voices and incomplete sentences. “Of course, it's also the bad phone connection,” she added. Suddenly she glanced at me and asked: “Do you think I am losing my hearing?” No sooner had she uttered these words, we both blurted out: “We are getting old!”  
Instantly, my mind travelled back to the time when my father had started speaking in an unusually loud pitch. I remember asking him once: “Abbu, why are you shouting? I can hear you.” He gave me a startled look and said: “I am not shouting. I am talking in a normal voice.” It hit me then that his hearing had been affected by age. I felt sad for him. But now once in a while I find myself screaming even in an intimate conversation. And if five people talk together I can hardly understand what the discussion is about. The cross talk comes across as mere babble. My choice is then restricted to nodding my head (which can be sometimes dangerous since I might end up agreeing to some outrageous proposition) or maintaining a fixed Cheshire cat smile.
With the passing of years many things seem different from what they used to be. Recently I visited my Alma Mater, the Physics Department in Dhaka University. The staircase in the Curzon Hall which looked so regal and inviting when I was a student appeared steep and intimidating. The climb that was an everyday casual activity had now become a real effort. Surprisingly, the distance from the gate to the Hall also seemed longer. In my student days it used to be a walk that I breezed through. But now it had turned into an aerobic exercise nearly as intense as Zumba dancing!
Perhaps the most frustrating aspect of ageing is the sudden lapse of memory one suffers. Often I meet someone who asks: “Remember me? We were together in...” I usually draw a blank and live through what is termed as a “senior moment,” trying to make casual conversation to buy time to jog my fading memory. It's even more aggravating when an old acquaintance looks at me and exclaims: “Oh My God! You look so… different. I would never have known you…”    This interaction usually results in a depressing few minutes in front of the mirror to reassure myself that this is indeed “me” and the mirror is not distorting the image.
Add to this the hassle of going shopping for clothes. Even after endless searches and trials I find it hard to fit into my regular size and the number always goes up -- never down. I wonder … are the manufacturers only catering to styles suited for young people or have the size specifications changed?  Thankfully, the sari is most accommodating to an expanding girth.  As for western clothes, the greatest invention in haute couture has been elastic pants! It has spared senior citizens the challenge of matching size to waistline. This exercise could create as much panic as waiting at the doctor's office for test results!
While on the subject of doctors -- if you are on the wrong side of fifty, getting a clean chit on an annual medical checkup is like getting a new lease of life. However, if the doctor suspects something not quite normal -- be prepared for a battery of clinical tests. That is not all. The next few dinner parties you attend, your friends (who are supposedly in the same age group) will present multiple scenarios of what is wrong with you. The related anxiety can sometimes be worse than suffering the pangs of a disease!
If my young readers have been patiently reading this piece, let me clarify that not everything about getting old is awful. There are many positives -- no stress about passing exams, making successful career moves or trying to keep up with the Joneses. And in most countries you earn privileges like discounted cinema tickets, priority seating on buses, and dedicated windows in public offices! As for relationships, we seniors also have our ups and downs, but we can accept human flaws with equanimity. The realisation that time is running out provides us with an appreciation of the present moment and we can let go of past grievances more easily.
By the way, if there are any typos in this article it's really not my fault. For some obscure reason the fonts are getting smaller these days. Must remember to send a complaint to Microsoft! Or is it already time for my next eye exam?

The writer is a renowned Rabindra Sangeet exponent and a former World Bank employee. E-mail: [email protected]