Remembering professor AJ Farida Banu
It would be an understatement to say that women in Bangladesh have always had to struggle to get anywhere. It's the same all over the world. Gaining foothold in all spheres of life, be it social, legal, political or cultural, has always been a challenge. Nevertheless, there are those who have succeeded in doing this and Akhtar Jahan Farida Banu was one of them.
Born on April 28, 1938, in Calcutta, she was the second of four daughters in a family of 11 children (one of whom did not survive infanthood), born to Syed Mohammad Abu Sayeed, a physician practicing in Metiabruz and Begum Amatur Rasul, a homemaker, both from Birbhum, West Bengal. As a child, Farida Banu and her younger sister joined Mukul Fauz in Calcutta, one of the oldest children's organisations in the subcontinent. There she learnt to sing, did physical training and other youth related activities and even took up stick fighting. In 1947, when she was barely 9-years-old, the effects of Partition hit her family, and like many Muslim families in Calcutta at that time, moved to East Pakistan, where her father was posted to the Munshiganj Sadar Hospital.
In East Pakistan (now Bangladesh), Farida Banu and her sisters attended schools wherever her father was posted. This included schools in Munshiganj, Chittagong, Jessore and near the Dhaka Central Jail quarters (when her father became a doctor for the jail) and finally at Quamrunessa Girls School, from where she completed her matriculation. She started college at Eden Girl's College and then went on to study Bangla at Dhaka University, where she was also elected as Cultural Secretary of the Women's Hall. Her singing continued at school and college cultural programmes and even at university hall functions.
Her marriage, at the age of 20, was arranged to a young doctor, Ashequr Rahman Khan, of the first batch to graduate from Dacca Medical College. He was also one of the young interns who took part in the Language Movement in 1952. They moved to Karachi in 1964, where Dr Ashequr Rahman Khan completed his M.Phil., while Farida Banu, a young mother, took up the task of homemaker, never forgetting to read books and journals. They returned to Dhaka in 1966, where she took a 14-day long physical defence training course and also commenced post-graduate studies in Bangla. A determined Farida Banu was taking full advantage of her father's belief that all children must have education and freedom. She completed her Master's degree in Bangla at that time, from Dhaka University.
In 1967, Akhtar Jahan Farida Banu joined Dhaka College as a lecturer in Bangla. In 1970, she was promoted to assistant professor of Bangla and became associate professor in 1984. She was also a regular artist on Dacca Radio. After independence she made regular appearances on Bangladesh television and Bangladesh Betar. Her forte was Rabindrasangeet. Respecting her decisions and supporting her choices all the way was her husband. In 1990 she joined Eden Girls College as professor and Head of its Bangla Department. She retired from government service in 1996.
As a mother, Akhtar Jahan Farida Banu never discriminated between her children when it came to education. Her son became a lawyer, one daughter became a doctor and the other holds a Master's Degree in marketing. Her daughters followed her footsteps and joined Chhayanaut for singing lessons and appeared in Notun Kuri, a children's show on BTV. She encouraged her children to do what they wanted, as long as it did not harm others and was for a just cause.
I came into Akhtar Jahan Farida Banu's life in 1995, when I became her daughter-in-law. In some ways we were similar. I admit, I was in awe of my mother in law. Her quiet, but powerful presence penetrated the whole house. She was always immaculately dressed, even when she was not going anywhere and when she did leave the house there was not a single hair out of place. With my English medium background, "western" habits and stubbornness, I suppose I was something of an enigma to her. She was very patient with me. The first lesson I learnt from her was to talk "proper" Bangla with crisp endings and no "common" dialect. My sisters used to make fun of me, but my father was very pleased. I was definitely not her vision of a daughter-in-law, but she understood that if her son was happy, that was all that mattered. That was her greatness. She never spoke ill of anyone.
Till 1998, a tabla player would come to the house and my mother-in-law would practice her songs. She stopped singing on TV and the Radio sometime in 1996, saying that it was too tiring. When the tabla player came to the house, my father-in-law would be in the living-room listening to his wife sing, thoroughly enjoying being the sole audience. They were inseparable. They immensely enjoyed the arts. Both were life members of the Bangla Academy and for as long as they could, attended all its programmes. They would reminiscence about road trips together soon after marriage, get-togethers with friends, music and food, a particular flower or someone's garden that caught their eye. Neither of them would talk about their experiences during the Language Movement or the Liberation War. They would not talk about all the social services they did. They were loving, humble and private people, with warm and generous hearts.
By 2015, both professor Akhtar Jahan Farida Banu and Dr Ashequr Rahman Khan were suffering from ill health. While my father-in-law, weakened from a heart attack and then chemotherapy, began a slow and frustrating decline into dementia, my mother-in-law became dependent on a walking frame and wheelchair due to debilitating arthritis and heart problems. It was a constant visit to the hospital with both of them—sometimes together. Although my mother-in-law was bedridden by 2017, her mind was alert. She read books, continued to take interest in what her grandchildren were up to, loved to see us all dressed-up in our finest and going out. She was also extremely concerned about my father-in-law, who had almost stopped eating properly by 2017. When my father-in-law passed away in his sleep in the very early hours of May 18, 2019, at home, I instructed the hospital ambulance men not to say anything in front of her and we told her we were taking him to the hospital as he had a temperature and had to stay there for observation. Her daughters broke the news to her later in the morning. I am grateful I was not there when they did. Akhtar Jahan Farida Banu and Ashequr Rahman Khan were like turtle doves. My mother in law's health took a steady decline after her husband's demise. No amount of physiotherapy gave her relief or comfort. On February 17, 2020, she had a massive heart attack and crossed over to where, most probably, my father-in-law was eagerly awaiting her arrival.
I am sure the story of my mother-in-law is a story similar to other women of her time. However, in the era she grew up in, families with such values were not very common. My parents-in-law had a wonderful partnership. Their life is a lesson in mutual respect that we can all learn from.
Saira Rahman Khan is a Professor of Law at BRAC University.
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