The sky has fallen for the Tigers after South Africa. Add insult to injury, there is ensuing politics, I mean real street political politics—just to divert our attention from the whitewash in South Africa, Taskin Ahmed gets married. Judging from the Tigers' performance in South Africa, I have to say though that at least the best performance IS from Taskin.
But I want to see THE diamond ring that Taskin has given to his soul mate, the very ring that has crushed the hearts of millions of nubiles with a crush on the superstar. Given the recently acquired status of a particular precious commodity becoming priceless, I wonder if it was an onion ring from Burger King…
Banks can start giving out SMO (Small and Medium Onion) loans to buy onions. Not a bad idea to get insurance if you have more than 5 kg of onions in the house. Applying onion juice to grow hair now results in hair falling off when we hear the price of onions. Tears are in the eyes not only when cutting onions, but from also hearing the price. Maybe we can now use PayPal to buy onions. Wait, PayPal in Bangladesh? As I zoom in, I realise it's actually Xoom. Just like those good old days when mamu came from overseas and I wait for the coveted remote-controlled car during the suitcase opening ceremony but end up getting a puny Kit Kat.
Some sure have made a pretty penny: the onion trader; JK Rowling after 20 years of Harry Potter; and Harry Potter fuelled photocopy shops at Neelkhet.
Yes, as the price of onion has soared beyond the seven skies, the nation has fallen from the sky. Not only that, the landing gear of Bangladesh Biman's Dash 8 aircraft flying from Syedpur also falls from the sky. The safety announcement on board: “Please take note of the emergency exits, keeping in mind that the nearest one may be right underneath you.”
The sky has also fallen for actor Shakib Khan with a lawsuit from a CNG driver whose cellphone number was narrated by the actor on screen. On a sunny day, the driver would actually not mind the daily 500 calls from young female admirers asking to meet him. But there's a slight hitch, his brand new wife is now suspecting him of having peyajer dosh. Hence the lawsuit. Though I think all those 500 calls are from one single female—Apu Biswas…Hey Shakib Khan, how about a new movie, Number One Wrong Number?
The sky also falls for POTUS—an employee at Twitter on his last day at work deletes the Twitter account of Donald Trump. Perhaps that was the employee's last attempt to save humanity. I hope a Secret Service agent on his last day at work doesn't think along the same lines—after all, the agent is carrying a loaded gun.
The Twitter account is up after 11 minutes. For Trump, that is the longest and the most agonising 11 minutes. For mankind, that is the shortest and the most peaceful 11 minutes. Sigh, could have been one small step for Twitter, one giant leap for mankind.
Oh, and finally, I am sure the sky has fallen for many an aspiring university student who, even after seeing the leaked question papers of Dhaka University's Gha Unit admission test on Facebook, decides not to sit for the exam thinking the questions are too difficult. Welcome to the digital age—for exams, one needs pen, paper and social media…
Well, it's not that the sky is falling everywhere. At least not so with BPL as we are rest assured that the winner will surely be a team from Bangladesh. But I bet the bookies are betting with onions…
Naveed Mahbub is an engineer at Ford & Qualcomm USA and CEO of IBM & Nokia Siemens Networks Bangladesh turned comedian (by choice), the host of ATN Bangla's The Naveed Mahbub Show and ABC Radio's Good Morning Bangladesh, the founder of Naveed's Comedy Club.