Not Egg-xactly Egg-static

OCTOBER 11 is World Obesity Day. October 13 is World Egg Day. October 14 is Global Hand Washing Day (makes sense, gotta wash the hands after handling eggs—there's salmonella). October 16 is World Food Day. At this rate, I would expect October 17 to be World Diarrhea Day…

I have religiously been sticking to all these days—in reverse order. Food, lots of food, then wash my hands to get the food off and to make them clean so as to have eggs, lots of eggs, resulting becoming a bit overweight. Not sure why the doc needs an hour of tests and calculations to determine my BMI (body mass index) and to conclude I'm overweight. I can say the same thing, i.e. that I'm overweight, in 10 seconds by simply looking at myself in the mirror. But I am clever when it comes to looking slim as I'm either in black or I walk around with those who are physically more endowed than myself. 

But I am an exception to the rule that we, as a nation, are generally slim. Maybe that's why Bangladesh is down a notch in the World Hunger Index—was 90, now 88. That means we are less hungry, thanks to soaring food prices. 

But not all are not hungry. Thus, as the World Egg Day prompts the "Tk 3 per egg" event in Farmgate—a location chosen for its name 'Farm'gate since it is related to "farm" eggs—thousands scramble to the area, thus giving a whole new meaning to the term "scrambled eggs". The area becomes an ocean of humanity, with Khamar Bari becoming the "Anda'man" Islands. The egg-static mass throngs to Khamar Bari, only to be eventually greeted by lathir bari. A few walk away with cartons of eggs like "The Few, The Proud, The Marines", clinging on to the eggs with an air of "take my pride, take my honour, but I ain't giving my eggs".

But so what that we haven't been able to consume three-taka-eggs? We have overcompensated by consuming goals from the three-some—India, Pakistan and Japan—in the Asia Cup Hockey games. For once, India and Pakistan hold hands in unison, each scoring seven goals against Bangladesh. Japan is kinder, scoring "only" three goals, as part of Japan-Bangladesh-Friendship and for Bangladesh being the junkyard of Japanese used autos. Maybe there could have been such a car or two on the field and our boys could have scored a bit better. After all, we show hockey stick prowess when it comes to breaking cars.

Sigh, lost respect. Speaking of which, as the day comes to an end last week, I realise that there actually is no respect left… for hartal. By the time I jot down the first item on my list of things to do on the "day off", the hartal is over. 

Dhaka is losing its charm further—losing out to two others in the list of unsafe cities. Yangon is above us. That we can tell, if we just look at Cox's Bazar. But Karachi? I guess, it's the champion because it's a place where one industry is booming with the most successful start-up by Dawood Ibrahim. 

Like things can't get any worse. Many mourn the death of Hugh Hefner, the world's best biology teacher. The US reels over the tragedy of Las Vegas. Of course, Stephen Paddock, a mainstream white male, is labelled as mentally ill while ISIS claims that he had joined them not too long before his shooting spree. We can therefore deduce, GMAT style, that all those who sign up for ISIS, are mentally ill.

Looking at the past week, I'm not egg-xactly egg-static. But I hope none are thrown towards Blue Whale. Speaking of which, if I get one more message in my Facebook inbox about warnings on Blue Whale, I WILL harm myself! But on a serious note, I finally get around to bringing up the topic of Blue Whale to my internet savvy 12-year-old for a frank discussion. She answers seriously: "I've known about this [Blue Whale] for the last eight months. I truly AM worried—you are an emotional comedian and therefore MY fear is that YOU could fall victim to it…"

Naveed Mahbub is an engineer at Ford & Qualcomm USA and CEO of IBM & Nokia Siemens Networks Bangladesh turned comedian (by choice), the host of ATN Bangla's The Naveed Mahbub Show and ABC Radio's Good Morning Bangladesh, and the founder of Naveed's Comedy Club. 

Email: [email protected]

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