This Week's Horrorscope

ARIES

EDM is the jazz of the 21st century.



TAURUS

I love an agreeable Arab John Cena.



GEMINI

Dog eat dog but cat eat fish.



CANCER

Mountains are nice, but does yours have dew?



LEO

Ubuntu is what happens when your hipster runs out.



VIRGO

Brother, can you give me 12 taka? 



LIBRA

Always remember to listen to the Oasis when they serve dessert.



SCORPIO

Rock my world, turn me around, spin me like a top, I will throw up.



SAGITTARIUS

Aladin invented shake well before use.



CAPRICORN

Keylor Navas is a bad keeper.



AQUARIUS

2441139, Bella Thorne, can you put this on?



PISCES

Umbrella time, umbrella time, let's go dancing, love is a crime.