This Week's Horrorscope

ARIES

Your car is in me.



TAURUS

Please don't touch my handbrake.



GEMINI

Sucking on potatoes will improve your luck.



CANCER

Your Playstation 4 is sentient. It doesn't like you.



LEO

Unicycle is your gender.



VIRGO

Twitch stream yourself brushing teeth.



LIBRA

Orange Juice did nothing wrong.



SCORPIO

Tiny dancer, why aren't you Cancer?



SAGITTARIUS

Rock it, man.



CAPRICORN

Get your mother angry to hear Sandal in the Wind.



AQUARIUS

Eid is coming. Sacrifice.



PISCES

This horrorscope is so sad. Alexa play Despacito.