Published on 12:00 AM, August 16, 2018

The perfect TV shows for Eid

Eid-ul-Azha a.k.a Qurbani Eid is upon us. You can feel it coming in the air as trucks full of cattle zoom past you. You can feel it deep in your heart as your body itches to go in for a kolakuli. And you can feel it emerge from the television screens as the channels prepare the bounties of Eid special programming. However, have they really kept up with what the youth really wants to see? Thankfully, we're here to help them with ideas for television shows that we can't wait to watch this Eid.

ILLUSTRATION: SALMAN SAKIB SHAHRYAR

Cooking shows are more popular than ever before. Children too take part in these cooking shows and many seem to be amazingly gifted in the culinary art. However, not all children have the skills needed to cook a dish worthy of being served at a Michelin star restaurant. In fact, some of the dishes children make might be downright repulsive, which is why a bunch of kids with the worst cooking skills should get to cook beef for their families in this programme.

Too many cooking shows only show good dishes being made. This is why we'll allow the kids to make the worst beef dishes possible. They'll only have the most mundane of utensils. We wouldn't want them to hurt themselves with knives and gas stoves and such, of course. The children will therefore have the chance to make all kinds of dreadful beef dishes for their loved ones to consume with the most unorthodox of recipes.

Oscar Wilde famously said, "After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one's own relations." This might not really apply to this show. While parents will be incredibly touched at the idea of having their children cook for them for a change, they might not feel the same way after they've tasted the dish. Or in some cases, smelling it from afar. Extra attention will be paid to the body language of parents and their kids who would be eagerly waiting for their parents to tell them how good the beef tastes.

However, the parents' nightmares might not end after the show is over, for the children who went on the show can end up wanting to cook more frequently, and that might result in family members having some serious beef with each other.

The prophecies speak of forgotten warriors, nay, heroes. Heroes who could bring down the mightiest of beasts with strength, love, and the strength of love. These are people whose steel have seen the farthest corners of Bangladesh. Their training and way of Bushido have made them fearsome warriors. Legends have been told and epics written about them. Now it's time for a worthy successor to rise to take the crown of the hero of ages, Kopa Shamsu.

One would be foolish to undermine the importance of a koshai. Those who dare scoff at this ancient art are often seen out on the streets hapless right before Eid, searching for the very warrior they laughed at. The plea for a moment of their busy schedule to slay one's sacrificial beast echoes across the narrowest of Dhaka alleys. This city needs more skilled koshais. And what better way to tackle an issue than to make a reality show out of it?

The idea is to put together an obstacle course of mammoth proportions. Our koshais will fight against the clock and get through each level through determination and skill. They will, however, have their trusty weapon in their hand. They will show how precise they are with their blades. The precision range will measure their calculated chops while they try to slash away at the target objects. They will have to show how familiar they are with the animal anatomy, because a worthy warrior has to have an intellect to match his blade. On another section they will show how uniformly they can cut their meat. With the quality of the meat depending on how it's cut and prepared, it's an essential part of the whole process.

After a tiring day around blood and sweat, the youth of the country crave for something to the tune of Bangladeshi Koshai Warrior, the show where they can watch the modern gladiators compete against each other to be the next Kopa Shamsu. The demand is there but will the channels deliver?

Eid dramas i.e. natok are an absolute must in television programming since time immemorial. It first 'appeared' on the radio, and then when television was invented, it just took off. Some say John Logie Baird first demonstrated television when he did because he didn't want to miss the Eid natok that was on.

But Eid natok these days are far from reality. We don't need another unrealistic soap opera muddying up our day; we need is a realistic depiction of life. Attached here is an example of one such plot that would have us glued to the screen with beef rezala and paratha in hand, not to forget store-bought borhani.