‘Concrete Jungle Housing Society’

Travelling around the residential areas of the city one will find many structures with names that have little bearing with the reality of their circumstances. There may be humungous housing complexes in some 'garden city' with no greenery in sight, a 'villa' that is just a normal building with an exotic, foreign sounding name – Senorita, Contessa, Cassablanca and various palaces and mansions in the name of the owners – Mukhles Mansion, Jabbar Palace –that hardly have any of the grandeur their titles demand. It is baffling, irritating and disappointing to come across such unimpressive architectural samples that are misleadingly hyped up.
As taxpayers, citizens and most importantly, consumers, we want a little truth for a change. But are we really ready for such reality bites? What would happen if a spade was always called a spade with no embellishments, no ruffles whatsoever?
For one thing the names of many structures would be different. Instead of 'green views', 'lake fronts' and 'garden plazas', we would have Concrete Jungle Housing Society, Garbage Dump Smell Complex, Disappearing Water Front and Slum View Apartments.
Imaginative proprietors would come up with innovative taglines: 'A shopping area with no parking' and 'Non-authentic Chinese, Thai and Indian Cuisine', 'Hi fi Fashion' and 'Pricy Fried Chicken'.
Now think of what the advertisements would be like:
'Two-bedroom apartment with back-of-a-building view, faulty plumbing, hardly any gas, tiny kitchen and dubious security in a once-exclusive part of Gulshan; ready for occupation just after relative from village leaves';
'Babna' – an exclusive restaurant offering bizarre fusion food at exorbitant prices – bring out the snob in you, dine at Babna…'
'Office space for rent; little space in dingy building with no parking whatsoever; lift erratic, loadshedding unbelievable; owned by local mafia.'
'Admission going on for Class 7,8,9, in Wannabe International School waiting official approval. Enrolment open to all students from rich, influential families willing to pay unnecessarily high fees without crosschecking teaching quality.'
‘Three-roomed University of Karwan Bazar offering BBA, Accounting and Paper-bag Making courses. Unapproved by UGC. Faculty with fake certificates. All kinds of students welcome.'
Residential areas are also home to many community centres catering to the thousands of young men and women who are bound to tie the knot and celebrate their ultimate day of happiness (some will say doom but that's not the point) with hundreds of other people. If the truth serum spread to these establishments it would not be strange for them to have names like: 'Bride and Grime Party Hall' or 'Rude and Crude Community Centre'.
And what about the countless private clinics and hospitals that make up any typical residential area these days? 'Dangerous and Dubious Diagnostics', 'Mental Dental College', Best Afterlife Clinic and 'Dead-end Medical Care' are some humble suggestions.
Many people will object to the blatant sarcasm in these names. After all, these poor, optimistic souls will say, there are many places that have names related to their original states but are in use anyway. Gulshan (Gul meaning flower and Shan meaning garden) has turned into present day Gulistan, Dhanmandi, once a big paddy field, is cluttered with commercial establishments, Elephant Road and Hatir Jheel were ruled by elephants, now dominated by the four wheeled and two-legged. Similarly Bhutergali (Ghosts' Alley) and Paribagh (Fairy's garden) must have been occupied by supernatural beings – a natural occurrence in those days; now it is jam-packed with Earthlings. So if an apartment building is called 'Garden View' and faces a pot-filled road with an open drain, who's  to challenge that it was not indeed opposite a beautiful, enchanted garden in its glory days? Yeah go ahead and think that, skeptics will snigger, while wondering about the intriguing history behind 'Alien Properties' and 'Disney Developments'.