Helper Maribet takes funny revenge on employers
MY domestic helper is a genius. She can out-Sudoku me with one hand tied behind her back and the other cooking dinner. (She actually does this, just to show off.)
In fact, let's face it, many domestic helpers are smarter than their employers. I have one friend who is an actual rocket scientist (the official term is astrophysics lecturer).
He could design a spaceship to fly to the Omega Nebula in ten minutes, but could he iron a pleated skirt? Not in a million years.
His helper, on the other hand, can look after him, his family, herself, and her family of 16 in the Philippines -- and could probably design a spaceship with a pleated engine housing, how cool is that?
The hidden brilliance of domestic helpers has long been celebrated in the guise of supermaid stories, such as the tales of Inday from last year.
Some of these stories are too good to stay secret, so say hello to Inday and Maribet and Teresita, the cheekiest supermaids on the circuit. Inday is verbose, Maribet is smart, Teresita is wild, and their stories range from pure humour to a bittersweet recognition of how hard a helper's life can be. Here are some of my favourites.
Maribet comes back from holiday and finds that her employer has bandages on both ears.
"Sir, what happened?" she asks.
"I was doing my own ironing when the phone rang," he replies. "I accidentally answered the iron."
"Too bad," says Maribet. "And what about the other ear?"
"I had to phone an ambulance."
The employer's wife comes home early from work one day and catches Teresita with her handsome nephew.
"Is this what I pay you for?" the boss's wife shouts.
"No," replies Teresita. "This is free of charge."
On their day off, domestic helpers Maribet and Teresita are eating their lunch at a table outdoors in a public area.
A waiter from the restaurant nearby comes to the table and points to a sign posted nearby: "You cannot eat your own food here."
"No problem," says Maribet.
They swap lunchboxes and keep eating.
Maribet walks into the dining room to find that her employer's child has a banana in his ear and rice up his nose.
Employer: "What do you think is the matter with him?"
Maribet: "He's not eating properly."
Teresita is talking to her employer, who is an old man.
Teresita: "The doctor phoned."
Old man: "What did he say?"
Teresita: "It's bad news. You've got cancer and Alzheimer's disease."
Old man: "Oh dear. Well, at least I don't have cancer."
Employer: "Maribet, make me a cup of coffee, with no cream."
Maribet: "Your wife forgot to buy cream, sir. I'll get you a cup of coffee with no milk."
Maribet: "What's the difference between a domestic helper and a nun?"
Teresita: "I don't know."
Maribet: "A nun only serves one God."
Maribet to Teresita: "Did you hear about the domestic helper in Saudi Arabia who died and went straight to hell? It took her two weeks to realize that she wasn't at work any more."
Got stories about silly employers, cheeky helpers or tragicomic boss-helper situations? I've collected some and written some and put them up on a website. Click here to go to the Maribet website where you can post more tales, or just read them and weep.
Visit our columnist at: www.vittachi.com.