Shame on them

Amdadul Huq/ Drik News

MALE children are what parents usually pine for in this part of the world we live in. It is parents' indomitable desire of to live after their death through their progeny that drives them crazy for a male child. This desire is more pronounced in men, which leads to many otherwise happily married couples ending up in divorce because the wife failed to give birth to a child, let alone a male child.
Instances abound where a man married many times because his earlier wives had borne him only daughters. There are also instances when a couple in search of a male child went on to produce several daughters, and gave up after having no luck.
The male child is not only craved for but also adored and doted upon. Both the parents prefer to educate their sons first and then their daughters. It is the son or sons whose needs are usually given preference over those of the girls. Of course, things changing now in educated families, where sons and daughters are treated equally at least insofar as their education is concerned.
But what pains me most is the shocking behaviour of some of these beloved sons who have become capable enough to take care of themselves and their own children but have proved to be utterly incapable of looking after their parents, or even a single parent, who raised them and took good care of them until they grew up to be what they are today.
I was watching a program the other day featuring some old men and women living in an old home run either by the government or by some philanthropic organisation. Not all of them, with age and sadness writ large on their faces, some on wheel chairs and some leaning on crutches, were without near and dear ones.
With tears rolling down their wrinkled cheeks, many of them said that their beloved sons did not care for them. It was a harrowing scene to watch. Can one fathom the grief and the sorrow in their hearts? I wonder if the sons of those unfortunate parents watched this program or had any qualms at all.
That most parents in their old age live a lonely life, abandoned by their near and dear ones, is a common phenomenon in the western world. Marriages do not last as they do in the east. There are far too many broken homes, as a result of which family ties are not so deeply rooted. No wonder the godforsaken old mothers and fathers find shelter and comfort in homes or centers for the old run by the state.
But ours ought to have been a different story. Our culture and our religion go a long way in forging strong family ties, making it obligatory for the children to look after their parents. It is the mother who cooks, does the laundry, runs the family chores, and also looks after her baby with such care and affection and dutifulness as nobody else does.
Here the baby learns to take the first step to walk. As the baby stumbles, the father quickly picks it up in his lap and tosses it up in the air playfully while the mother shrieks in panic lest it slip off the father's hands. Such bonds between a baby and its parents only deepen as the baby grows.
Besides, Islam teaches us to be dutiful to our parents. The Quran lays emphasis on the believers being dutiful to their parents, next to worshipping God. It says: "And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor raise your voice at them but address them always in a manner showing utmost respect, honour and humility. And while praying say: My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was young (Chapter 17: verses: 23-24)."
That children should obey and pay respect to their parents is a part of our culture, not only as Muslims of this country but also as a people of the Indian subcontinent. Bending down and touching the feet of their parents, as a way of showing respect and for seeking blessings on special occasions, is common practice among the Muslims and Hindus.
But in spite of our culture and our religious teachings there are people in our society who behave rudely with their parents. In poor families where an old parent is dependent on his or her grown up sons or son, the ill treatment meted out by the latter is usually very heart rending. More often than not, the parent has to leave the house and go begging. Shame on those people who do not behave nicely with their parents and look after them.

Brig Gen Shamsuddin Ahmed ( Retd ) is a former military secretary to the president.