UK election: the real winners

I flick through newspaper after newspaper in deep shock these days. In all the coverage of the UK election, the international media has totally missed the real story.
The Monster Raving Loony Party beat the Communist Party. I sit at my desk applauding.
The raving loonies are a political body campaigning to highlight the potentially catastrophic shortage of humour in the world.
Soon after it was founded, the Loony Party's manifesto called for:
1) All pets to be given passports.
2) Teenagers to be given the vote.
3) Pubs to be allowed to open all day.
4) Socks to be sold in packs of three as one always gets lost.
5) Semi-colons to be banned; no one knows how to use them.
6) Superheroes to be legally prevented from using their powers for evil.
7) A 99 pence coin to be introduced to save change.
8) The Queen of England to be replaced by a statue to save money.
I first met the founder Lord Sutch in the 1980s (shown above left meeting a real politician).
Although he called himself an earl and a rock star, he was neither. He never had any money (I had to pay for dinner) and he couldn't sing.
He was hilarious in front of the cameras, but terrifyingly depressive away from them. His only real groupie was his mom.
But his gang's campaign to increase the amount of zaniness in the world was wildly successful.
Members of his gang then amazed themselves by winning large numbers of votes in local elections, sometimes defeating the serious political parties.
But in the late 1990s, Lord Sutch, whose real name was Dave, went through a bad patch.
He'd persuaded some of the world's finest rock musicians (including guitarist Jeff Beck and half of Led Zeppelin) to help him make an album.
In 1998, the BBC declared his CD "the worst album of all time." They were probably right. Then his mother died. Dave hanged himself. It was a shocker. Dave, Dave, what are you doing, mate? That was seriously unfunny. We all thought that was the end.
Fortunately, his spirit lived on. One of his colleagues changed his name to R.U. Seerius and re-started the mission. Below is another supporter, Lord Toby Jug.
Party leadership was shared between a human and a cat until 2002, when the cat was run over by a truck.
In last week's UK election, the Monster Raving Loony Party's campaign was led by senior member Alan Hope, who walked the streets with a banana on his head, shouting through a megaphone: "Vote for insanity! You know it makes sense!"
Scanning news outlets on the web, I finally uncover a complete set of results for last week's UK election.
I smile to see that the Monster Raving Loony Party received more than seven times as many votes as the Communist Party.
Dave is looking down from heaven and smiling.
And this is the totally amazing bit. The first three items on their manifesto have all been passed into law, not just in the UK, but in most countries across Europe and several other places around the world. (This is not a joke.) Pets have passports (physical and microchip) the voting age has been lowered to 18 and bars can open all day.
It can only be a matter of time before the rest of the manifesto items follow.
Superheroes and sock manufacturers: you have been warned.
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