Living on my own terms | The Daily Star
12:00 AM, January 29, 2019 / LAST MODIFIED: 12:00 AM, January 29, 2019

ls editor’s note

Living on my own terms

My hate list is growing like school children on some iron and zinc fortified malt drink — in leaps and bounds. From being tagged in Facebook to every message, to getting distracted by unwanted advertisements while playing a nightmarishly hard level at Candy Crush, to being treated as hotel housekeeping manager by my family, it automatically grows. As if inside my mind, I have a tag gun that goes shooting at every single thing that ticks me off and being menopausal, almost everything irritates me. Anyway!

Taken for granted is something women deal with at every step of our shackled life. Our parents wanted us to be the goody two shoes — great at academics, with loads of medals at extracurricular activities. An oxymoron, if there ever was one.

They could never imagine us sneaking away from college to date a boy, or try a puff of a tobacco stick for the sake of being just a rebel.

Our husband and child cannot imagine us not fixing the clogged sink, the blinking light, or remembering the dog's vaccination day; forget the more important things like paying the bills and keeping the larder stocked for their mid-night snacks. 

They can never imagine that we do want to sit and watch a play, or listen to music and enjoy a cup of tea with them on random weekend mornings.

No, we are a machine, we are not to enjoy things that were not programmed for us. In fact, if we do want something simple like a hug or something not as simple-- like wanting to feel like a woman in love --it is doomsday right there and then.

How can we not attend the big meetings, the important deadlines, the jamming, the big games etc. and only attend to their needs? After all, if they are the bread earners then we pay for the butter!

Again, anyway.

Then there is the part of being 'taken for granted' by society. Now, this hypocrisy, I cannot deal with; I can live with being the housekeeping manager for my family, but being constantly judged by peers and almost everyone else is not my cup of tea. Honestly, we should not give two hoots to what others think about us.

Perhaps, every achievement or milestone in life is overrated. Marital bliss, for one, is definitely hyped; having an extra marital affair is the repetition of the same heartbreaks that come with a huge collateral damage, and this time around, frankly it's still too much work.

If we are an adult in love and dating for a few years, the mere pressure of tying the knot gets more tedious with every passing day, to the point that we simply wish we two had never met!

Again, if we are not married by the age of 30, we are some kind of an outcast; if we are married and without a child by the second anniversary, we are an even bigger pariah.

There is also the matter of education, job, salary, social standing, and not to forget the hush-hush gossiping, because we have a special child, or if the husband is cheating around. And those pitiful stares if you have a serious medical condition — these leave you in dire straits, both in mind and body.

There is no reason to follow the set societal norms of living, it only bogs us down with worry and hopelessness.

Be your own person and own the world like you want to — that is my motto now!

This week in Star Lifestyle, do not forget to read our pet favourite column, “What I Did Last Week” and you must go to the link of an opinion piece I read in The Print by Kaveree Bamzai about how she narrates that a new generation of female writers are retelling the stories of Indian women in history and mythology, and how our daughters will see Sita as a single mother and Draupadi as a #Metoo warrior.

Here's to being us and chopping the hate list short.


—           RBR

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