Is your child unruly?

For last few months, an 11 year old boy Rahul (not a real name), is showing serious violation of social norms. He is using slang with his parents, spends more time out of house and frequently misses school without any good reason. He tries to hit to his mother if his demands are not fulfilled. He has stolen money from his father's wallet and frequently refuses to admit it. Sometimes he involves in fighting with his classmates.

This boy clearly has behavioural problem. It might be a mental problem called conduct disorder. It is repetitive and persistent pattern of behavior in which the basic rights of others or major age-appropriate norms are violated. These behaviours are often regarded as antisocial behaviours. Children and adolescents with this disorder have great difficulty following rules and behaving in a socially acceptable way. They are often viewed by other children, adults and social agencies as bad or delinquent, rather than mentally ill.

Exact cause of conduct disorder is unknown. But family history of such behavioural problem, parent with antisocial activities, abused by others, stressful home environment, unstable or broken family may contribute to develop conduct disorder.

Parents are worrying about child's problem and puzzled often. From the context of medical science this problem has to address scientifically. To deal with a child with these symptoms parents should do the followings:

• Acknowledge your role and do not blame the child: Parents should reevaluate their  own behaviour, and if needed, the entire family should seek help from the mental health professionals.
• Do not get into a power struggle with a child: Be firm in disciplining your child and let them know that there boundaries that they have to observe.
• Find child’s potentiality: Child’s potentiality not overt always, it is the guardian's duty to explore it. Try to find out the interest and never push on an issue where the child has no interest.
• Set rules in your home for all members of the family: Such as no hitting, shouting, name calling, cursing, or ridiculing. Be firm about the boundaries of acceptable behaviour.
• Reward good behaviour and create clear consequences for bad behaviour: If children fail to comply, do not automatically spank or yell. Instead, respond gently and follow through with the punishment.
• Behave respectfully to others: Remember that children mimic you. If you want youngsters to behave respectfully, you must behave respectfully — even if you feel a meltdown coming on.
• Avoid quarrel in front of child: Always avoid domestic violence and quarrel in front of child. Do not blame each other for child's problem.
• Obtain a proper diagnosis from a psychiatrist: Seek help from mental health professionals like psychiatrists or psychologists.

The writer is an Assistant Professor, Child Adolescent and Family Psychiatry, National Institute of Mental Health, Dhaka.

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