In Defence of the Underachiever

What defines achievement? Is it about getting straight A's in one's board exams and eventually graduating magna cum laude from university? Is it about getting a five digit paycheck every month? In our times, perception of success largely depends on how well we 'end up' in terms of money and how bright our future might be, is often indicated by our grades. And these are the parameters that seem to decide everything else in our lives.
It is the social norms that define our success. A person who would otherwise be happy with his/her life may find himself in depression for not being able to stand tall as per the social norms. Often, these people are labeled 'underachievers' by the society and this causes them to delve further into depression. And yes, it applies to both the sexes, although the premise of their success, or the lack thereof, may differ.
Growing up, most men have faced one

threat if doing badly in school, and that is if they cannot pull up their grades, they would have to become rickshaw pullers. But logically and statistically speaking, how many of us actually end up that badly?
On the other hand, graduating from high school may bring about a bout of depression amongst the young men living in Bangladesh. This is because many of their friends go abroad for studies, while the said young men themselves have to stay in Bangladesh and study at a local university. In the long run, it may not matter, but at that point of their lives, it demoralises them a little. That is because the general idea is that a 'foreign' degree will ensure better job opportunities in Bangladesh, which is directly related to a better lifestyle. This applies to female students as well.
Similarly, throughout university life, a young Bangladeshi has to worry about his grades being on the upper end, without which his employment opportunities at MNCs are negligible, or so he has been told by his elders. Moreover, he will not be able to find himself the girl of his dreams, as suggested by popular urban myth. And this notion is further buttressed by their ex-girlfriend(s) getting married to the 'established' men of the society. As if that wasn't enough, some of his friends get selected at foreign universities on scholarship for graduate studies, and others get hired by booming local companies with a relatively high salary. At that point, even if a young man is happy with his own life, these pull him down, causing more negativity, which in turn leaves him blindsided to the opportunities around.

“The thoughts about what could have been if I could avail the same opportunities as others, do bring me down. I wouldn't say my life is bad but thoughts like that leave me depressed for extended periods,” informed Sheikh Al Mahmood.
For a girl, life may seem even harder. She not only has to compete with other girls for a sense of achievement but also has to compete with the men in the society. From an early age, she is facing discrimination. Even the families which are educated and believe in equal rights inadvertently impose different rules on their sons and daughters.
As she grows up, the fight becomes more extensive. She has several benchmarks to put up with. She has to take care of her grades and also prove that she is capable of achieving what a man can professionally. As she reaches her early 20s, she too sees her friends moving abroad but in this respect, she receives a greater blow. In addition to all other factors that are applicable to a man, an average Bangladeshi girl faces one extra constraint. Society acts on an unwritten rule that restricts girls travelling abroad without any guardian. Adity Rahman, a 20-year old, got accepted at a top US university with scholarship but her family came in the way of her dream to study abroad. “My family did not let me go but they did let my brother get enrolled in a university abroad this year with only half the scholarship that I was offered,” she said with utmost disappointment. Somewhere down the line, prejudice translates into underachievement for her.

When it comes to matrimony, the battle of an average girl takes on a new turn as she struggles hard to keep up with the societal pressure of being a combination of beauty and brains. Her worth is decided by the number of suitors she can draw. Her female friends are 'picked' by suitors who either reside abroad, belong to wealthy families, or look handsome. She is made guilty of not being desirable enough and this adds up to the feeling of lagging behind in the race called life.
Even if she is in love and escapes the procedures of traditional arranged marriages, the battle continues. Society constantly judges her chosen companion and how much her to-be groom is likely to earn in the future becomes a medium of comparison among her circle of friends. Also, it can be a complete letdown when her friend's fiancé buys her friend a diamond ring while her partner stands in front of her house with only a handful of roses and a 20 taka change in his pocket on her birthday.

So, who ultimately decides what makes a person an under or overachiever in life and how does one measure up? Without a doubt, the boundaries are in our minds and instead of erasing those, we are drawing the lines even darker. The condescending attitude that many of us possess against others is self-defeating to a great extent and the standards of achievement that we set for ourselves and others are vague, irrational and outdated.
But there are people who can come out of the imposed social stigma, and can indeed turn their lives around. Take Md. Faisal Rashid Sun for example. Faisal had to face a huge set-back in his professional career. “When all my hopes and dreams were shattering, I remembered a quote by Martin Luther King, Jr., 'We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope' and went on to change tracks till I found what was best suited for me,” he told us. “And now, I am at the peak of my form.”
Sameera Hauqe shared her story of glory with us as well. Sameera could not make it to her desired university back in 2005 while her sister was a valedictorian in class. As a young adult, she was guilty of not living up to the expectations of her family. “Today, I am an executive at a bank and I have mastered the art of creating a balance between my family and work life. My parents are proud of me,” she said with a beaming smile.  
Achievement, or the lack of it, is often perceptional. Although society sets the norms, the choice of being judgmental is solely ours. For those who can relate to this piece and have at one point or the other considered themselves as underachievers: Smile, for you don't own all the problems in this world.