When in Rome
DISILLUSIONED with romance during her whirlwind trip to Rome, an ambitious New Yorker defiantly swipes a few magic coins from a "foolish" wishing fountain, inadvertently igniting the passions of a motley crew of suitors as she's pursued by a handsome reporter with charm to spare. Beth (Kristen Bell) is at a point in her life where love seems like a luxury she just can't afford. Years of waiting for that perfect romance has made Beth bitter, and one day, while vacationing in Rome, she cynically plucks a handful of coins from a local fountain of love. Almost immediately thereafter, Beth finds herself fending off the advances of a diminutive sausage magnate (Danny DeVito), a lanky street magician (Jon Heder), a doting painter (Will Arnett), and a narcissistic male model (Dax Shepard). Meanwhile, a smitten reporter (Josh Duhamel) does his best to convince Beth that true love isn't just a topic of fairy tales and romance novels.
This is the ultimate guide to good food eating for bachelors...
1. BREAD: Sesame seeds and Poppy seeds are the only officially acceptable "spots" that should be seen on the surface of any loaf of bread. Fuzzy and hairy looking white or green growth areas are good indications that your bread has turned into a pharmaceutical laboratory experiment.
2. CANNED GOODS: Any canned goods that have become the size or shape of a softball should be disposed of. Carefully.
3. CARROTS: A carrot that you can tie a clove hitch in is not fresh.
4. CEREAL: It is generally a good rule of thumb that cereal should be discarded when it is two years or longer beyond the expiration date.
5. CHIP DIP: If you can take it out of its container and bounce it on the floor, it has gone bad.
6. DAIRY PRODUCTS: Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yogurt. Yogurt is spoiled when it starts to look like cottage cheese. Cottage cheese is spoiled when it starts to look like regular cheese. Regular cheese is nothing but spoiled milk anyway and can't get any more spoiled than it is already. Cheddar cheese is spoiled when you think it is blue cheese but you realize you've never purchased that kind.
7. EGGS: When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is probably past its prime.
8. EMPTY CONTAINERS: Putting empty containers back into the refrigerator is an old trick, but it only works if you live with someone or have a maid.
9. EXPIRATION DATES: This is NOT a marketing ploy to encourage you to throw away perfectly good food so that you'll spend more on groceries. Perhaps you'd benefit by having a calendar in your kitchen.
10. FLOUR: Flour is spoiled when it wiggles.
11. FROZEN FOODS: Frozen foods that have become an integral part of the defrosting problem in your freezer compartment will probably be spoiled (or wrecked anyway) by the time you pry them out with a kitchen knife.
12. GAG TEST: Anything that makes you gag is spoiled (except for leftovers from what you cooked for yourself last night).