Dowry

My reverend grandfather left his village home in the depths of Cornwall and became a Christian minister in the slums of Merseyside in 1884 and I have his diary for his first 18 months in the ministry there. One of the incidents I noted was his first visit back to the farm in the summer of 1885 and the breaking of his engagement with 'Susie'. The break-up was supervised by the minister and the Sunday School leader, presumably, to make sure that all was done properly. All the presents that Joshua and Susie had given to one another had to be returned - even one of a pair of gloves when the other had been lost!

Such a situation can still be a minefield with false assumptions and unkept promises causing many problems and much distress - like dowry, in fact. Would it be out of the question for local worthy people, maybe enlightened religious leaders, to supervise promises to marry and check that both sides are quite clear what will be done and what will not be done? You see, I have noted that, in this dear culture, saying a firm, "No!" is considered rude and I fear that, when a request for dowry is made, the girl's family respond with "Well - maybe.." and the bridegroom's family go off and mentally spend the money (several times over, probably!) and then, when it is not forthcoming, they are understandably angry. Could not the arrangements concerning wedding gifts etc be made in front of those who would know what were realistic demands on the families concerned? Could they not, with growing levels of social awareness, put pressure against one-sided demands? Could not a contract be drawn up, promising to make no further demands - then everyone would know what was what? Then, if there were subsequent bad behaviour, it would not be for want of trying.

It is not only in Bangladesh but also in every country; things go wrong when someone, somewhere, does not get the contract straight!

Incidentally, my grandfather was engaged within 3 months to my grandmother, one of his Sunday School teachers and there was no mention of this engagement being supervised, so maybe it was just an English country tradition that had lingered on in distant Cornwall - but it was not a bad one, eh?