• Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Chintito

Not only the Sardars

Chintito
The Three Stooges in 1938's Healthy, Wealthy and Dumb
The Three Stooges in 1938's Healthy, Wealthy and Dumb

I admit with no pretension and both hands up that I cannot invent a single Sardar jokes that dotheir rounds on the Net, although all in good humour. They are absolutely brilliant and result from the creative genius of some of the smartest minds. But often I find that some of them do have some relevance to our politics and our society.
Sardar enters kitchen, opens sugar box, looks inside, and closes it. This he does again and again. Why? Because the doctor told him to check sugar level regularly.
A government officer visits the Karwan Bazaar kitchen market thrice daily, morning, afternoon and evening. Why! Because the minister told him to check the price rise regularly.
Three Sardars were going on a motor cycle. A traffic police showed them his hand to stop. They did. One of the Sardars told: 'We are already three, sorry, there is no space'.
Three policemen were travelling on the same rickshaw in Dhaka, and no one dared to stop them. There was a big smile on the face of the rick puller.

Two Sardars were in a forest, when a lion came roaring towards them. One of them throws sand into its eyes, and runs. Second one stays unmoved. When asked why he is not running, the other Sardar tells: "Why should I be running? It is you who has thrown the sand."
The cricket team had just lost a match very badly to a very weak team. Ten of them start running to avoid the wrath of the crowd. The eleventh man stays put and puts up a brave face. When others shouted at him to also run, he said, 'Why should I? I was not out'.
Bank manager asks Sardar in an interview: "What is cyclone”
Sardar: "It is the loan given to purchase a cycle"
Now this one is from one of our universities. The entrance exam question required one to explain the term 'software'. An examinee did actually write, 'soft clothing for babies'.
Sardar looked himself in a mirror and said: "I have seen him somewhere... Yes! Now I remember; this is that same despicable chap who is in my wedding album alongside my wife”.
A politician rising at dawn rubbed his chin while looking at the bathroom mirror. His eyebrows began to rise. His lower chin dropped. “Well, well, is this not the same shameful guy whose picture came out in the newspaper for a tender scam?”
A famous Sardar's declaration to the media: "I will never marry in my life. And I will advise the same to my children too"
Declared a politician on a Bangladesh TV talk show, “I will never allow my children to enter this nasty world of politics; and I will give the same advice to my MP son.”
Teacher: Oxygen is very essential to life. It was discovered in 1773.
Sardar: “Thank God!! I was born after 1773. Had I been born earlier, I would have died.”
Speaker at a Khulna seminar on the ills of our society, “The term corruption was unknown to us before the advent of the English East India Co. to the subcontinent”.
“Obviously”, said a man in the back row, “it is an English word”.  
Interviewer: What is a skeleton?
Sardar: Sir, skeleton is a person who started dieting, but forgot to stop it!!
Economics teacher at Chittagong: What is a Tender?
Student: Sir, a tender is a process that is decided before the notice is published in a newspaper.
MD: I will give you the job of a driver. Your starting salary is 2,000 rupees.
Sardar: Oh, thank you. What is the driving salary and stopping salary?
Upazilla chairman in Barisal: I am elected to look after my upazilla, but I have no work as the local MP shaheb and the region's mononiyo minister take all the decisions.
Voter: What about the Union Parishads under your upazilla? You can impose your views on them!
Chairman: No chance. They are all elected.
ISRO sent a Sardar on a moon flight. Sardar got into rocket, but jumped halfway, shouting "How dare you cheat me? Today is new moon day. There will be no full moon to land on."
The housing society at Rajshahi announced a river cruise as an annual event. The civil servant got pretty mad. “You people do not have the slightest of sincerity. That river was filled up five years back under my supervision when I was the district commissioner.”
Boss: Bring me a good mirror, in which I can see my face.
Sardar: Boss, I have been to all the shops. And in all of the mirrors I see only my face... your face is nowhere to be seen.
Bossto assistant at the Bhola: Search the entire area and get me an honest man like me.
The assistant did not even venture out of his office.
Sardar reported for his university final examination, which consists of Yes/No type questions. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing it, marking the answer sheet Yes for Heads and No for Tails. Within half an hour he is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, he is seen desperately flipping the coin, muttering and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on. Sardar replies, "I'm rechecking my answers and I don't think I did very good."
The fruit vendor at New Market had mixed some bad mangoes with some good ones. He was doing thriving business, as he showed the good side of his merchandise and sold the bad ones too. Suddenly he was looking pretty disturbed.
“What happened?” asked a neighbour shopkeeper.
“What to tell you Bhai? Over the past half hour I had been mistakenly packing all the good ones for my buyers and forgot to add the bad ones”.
Sardar's theory: The moon is more important than the sun, because the moon gives light at night when it is needed, but the sun gives light during day when it is available abundantly.
Local leader at yet another janashava: “My country is bigger than any (political) party, my party is bigger than any individual. (Ten seconds later) I hereby declare that my son will run in the next MP elections instead of me. That is final.”

Published: 12:00 am Friday, March 14, 2014

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