• Saturday, February 28, 2015

What Not to WEAR to a Football MATCH

Azmin Azran
A good idea would be to never wear this.
A good idea would be to never wear this.

If you are reading this trying to get some real headway about wardrobe selection for a football match, you've probably been laughed at your whole life. It's obvious, isn't it? Football is a sport, if you want to play a sport, wear jerseys. But I've seen people playing football wearing a panjabi with a round hat, so this NEEDED to be written.
First, let's get some obvious stuff out of the way. DON'T wear a suit to a football match. “Who does?” -- one might ask, but they've probably never had to show up for a game after a wedding lunch (or followed the “bro code” religiously).  Suits make you look sharp, but they slow you down, are expensive, and you cry like a baby if they get torn, yes you do. Don't wear a lungi either, unless you're ready to do the kachha mara (wrapping the thing around your thighs). No to panjabi, overcoats or anything that could do a Marilyn Monroe in the wind. Superhero capes? No.
Trousers look out of place in a football game. Shorts are what one is supposed to wear. But boys often tend to be self-conscious about their legs. Hairy legs, chicken legs and sometimes fat legs. Football is played with the feet but they are never the centre of anyone's attention unless you play a different sort of football than we do. Wear shorts, because trousers minimise your flexibility, are less comfortable than shorts, and you don't need to hide your legs.

This can’t end well...
This can’t end well...

When wearing jerseys, make sure you're putting on the colours of ONE team. If you show up wearing a Real Madrid shirt and Barcelona shorts, it's justifiable to make you play either topless or bottomless. Don't commit a sin that is unforgivable. Don't disrespect your team by wearing their rival's kit to a game. For example, a Manchester City fan can never be allowed to put on the regal and glorious colours of Manchester United just because the City kit is a fruity azure that should've never come out of the closet in the first place. If you want to mix up the jerseys you wear, change leagues. If you are a Chelsea fan and want to wear red, you can go ahead and buy a Milan kit, or a Bayern one. No one will question your loyalty.
The game is football, so footwear is important. Don't wear sandals, because the only thing you can do wearing them is chip the ball up, and also, chip a toenail. It's impossible to run wearing sandals, so you might want to avoid them. Wear boots, if you're not comfortable with boots, wear turfs. Don't wear silk socks, that's only for your wedding day. They come in different sizes, so if you MUST hide your legs, wear the high ones.
Football is a physical game, so you're likely to get hurt. Grazed knees are extremely common. Don't wear trousers for that, use knee padding. Keepers are allowed to wear trousers, but knee padding is the better option. If you don't want to look stupid, you better not show up wearing protective gear that's made for cyclists and skaters. You'll be laughed at and quite rightly so.
Football has very little to do with fashion. As long as one doesn't try to look cool, thinks about comfort while playing, and respects the rivalries, they'll be okay. One last thing, don't wear fake jerseys that are unrealistically made. It just doesn't seem right when you spot a Liverpool jersey with the Champions League emblem on the side.

Published: 12:00 am Thursday, January 16, 2014

Last modified: 10:59 pm Thursday, January 16, 2014

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