12:00 AM, January 04, 2018 / LAST MODIFIED: 12:00 AM, January 04, 2018

The real chronicles of comic cons


Brace yourselves – while winter may not be arriving in full force, comic cons are already here. Yes, it's that time of the year again. These conventions are as numerous as bhapa pitha carts by now, and people frequent them as often too. That is why today we're going to look at some experiences which are common to all comic cons.

Finding the rest of your group: Comic cons are generally held at large, spacious locations which are always crowded. While the crowds are an integral part of the comic con atmosphere, they certainly don't help when you're trying to find your group. At one comic con, my friends and I spent close to 30 minutes trying to wrangle up everyone. We couldn't find them despite making multiple rounds of the venue, so of course the only real explanation was that they chanced upon a portal to another dimension. Once you go to comic con, you will also discover the presence of these interdimensional wormholes. Try not to panic when it happens – panicking will freak out the wormholes and make them constrict, which in turn makes for a very tight squeeze when your friends do return. You have been warned.

Creepy cosplay dude: As long as there are comic-cons, there will be cosplay. As long as there is cosplay, there will be creepy dudes. These people are easily identified by their lack of costumes. Besides this, their phones are always on hand and they have this sort of pallid complexion from leaving their lair house for the first time in three months. You'll always find them around any cosplayer who happens to be female. Often they'll be polite enough to ask for selfies, but most of the time they'll stand at a distance clicking away. They're sort of the Jar Jar Binks of comic cons: no one really likes them, but they're not leaving anytime soon so we deal with them.


Full spectrum of cosplay: Cosplay isn't a prerequisite for going to comic con, so you can totally have an enjoyable comic con experience without trying to look like your favourite character.

Some people were born to cosplay, and they make it an art form with the effort they put into their costumes. From getting the exact colour combinations right, to sorting out all the little details and accessories of the costume, these people make sure their attire is perfect. That is why you'll see some Thors with decent wigs, beards and hammers, and Wonder Women who look exactly like Gal Gadot's deshi cousins.

Because some cosplayers put so much work into making their costumes perfect, the others look exceptionally shabby. For instance, all of the other 43 Thors at the convention look like female wrestlers because of how bad their wigs are. Thank God Thor got a haircut – now all those horrible wigs can be retired (about time too). Let's not forget the Harley Quinns carrying around cricket bats instead of baseball bats. While it's not a bad idea to add your own mix to some characters, everyone can agree Harley Quinn shouldn't be carrying around a cricket bat – this isn't a crossover episode.

The compulsive buyers: Besides all the general fun one can have at a comic con, there are also numerous stalls catering to whatever you might want. Comics? They have that. Figurines and key rings? They flaunt that. Clothing? Buy 13, get 1 free. With all these potential purchases it can be difficult for the average person to keep their wallet healthy. It's even more difficult if you happen to be a shopaholic. This is why it's not uncommon to see someone lugging around 3 kilos worth of bags, hopping from one stall to the next until their wallet gives out.

Do they really need a key chain shaped like each of the Avengers? The answer is yes. How else would they hang all the figurines they bought? Realistically though, not even a jail warden could find a use for all those key chains.

Don't forget about all the themed. From anime to comics to video games, the stalls have them all. You might try to tell your PC masterrace friend that they can show their love for CD Project Rekt without buying four “The Witcher 3” t-shirts, but will they listen? What about your anime-loving friend when they find One Piece merch? If you get between these people and their merch, you will be trampled like the dispassionate, plastic fan you are.

While this list may deter some people who have never been to a comic con, don't be alarmed. They really are a great way to spend a day with your friends and make some wonderful memories. Just be safe, and remember what I said about the wormholes – those things don't play around.