The Chronicles of Wonder Bua
After years of being the victim of the inexplicable misplacement of my belongings around my room and constant spying, prying eyes inside my very own house, I have recently been acquainted with a woman who not only helps with household chores but also minds her own business. She goes by the name X-er ma, but I like to call her Wonder Bua.
She brooms the room in silence, minding the riot of wires sprawled across the floor instead of tripping all over them while murmuring curses at "aiz kailer pola-maiya ra" and their carelessness. After wiping the furniture, she places the keys back to their original position rather than of turning it into a not-so-fun game of treasure hunt for you.
Your average bua is somehow either a ninjutsu master sneakily creeping into your room or she's hurricane Katrina, barging in unannounced and annihilating your door hinges. But Wonder Bua sympathises the door, the possibility of your slumber and the chance of mortification neither of you want to suffer. The woman knocks. When the door is open, she coughs to announce her arrival. And when she leaves, I kid you not, she turns back on the fan and closes the door. She makes sure it's closed. ALL. THE. WAY.
You would not believe your eye, if you saw this woman spy. Wonder Bua does not snitch, simply because her body doesn't itch to see you suffer. When your mom comes home, she doesn't race you to the door to convey an extended report about your misconducts, before you even get to ask your mom what she got you from the market. While cleaning the room, she may stumble upon things your father would frown upon (read: throw you out of the house for). What she doesn't do is pour kerosene to the fire by subtly imparting those discoveries when your dad is upset and lecturing you. Why, you ask? Because she is a well-wisher who'd rather have you inside the house than outside.
Wonder Bua cooks so good, you'd actually reconsider date night because no hot chick is a match to the cooked one waiting inside your fridge. When cooking, Wonder Bua approaches you, to taste the necessity of salt in the beef curry. This woman not only values your opinion, but also knows once the guests are here there's a good chance you may not be opportune enough to get a serving.
The expertise of this woman broadens far from just household chores. She plucks mangoes off your mango trees and offers you one of the ripest ones from the lot she packs for her grandchildren. Not only is she skilled at climbing the tree to pick them like a pro, but also argues over it with the driver and the maid next door with such ferocity, that you'd consider hiring her to win an argument with your girlfriend.
Perhaps you're too much of a jerk to deserve Wonder Bua, perhaps you're spending too much time on your phone so obviously you're not worthy of her. I can tell you this, Wonder Bua does exist.
At the end of the day though, whether or not they tick off all the boxes, all buas are a wonderful. Who else would tend to you like a grandmother does and help find the other pair of socks before school?
Samin Sabah Islam believes, there are very few problems in life, if any, that a good nap can't fix. If she isn't asleep, your queries may be answered at [email protected]
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