How the rumour mill churns
The rumour mill is the whimsical fifth grade game of Chinese whisper that could start with "Jenny flushed the tiny sea creature" and potentially end at "Jenny has a crush on the new English teacher". And it spreads, oh how it disperses faster than a destructive Australian wildfire. Here's how.
WORD OF MOUTH
"I'll tell you something I haven't told anybody, but you have to promise not to tell a soul. I'm not one to start rumours."
"Yeah yeah you have my word, now give me the gossip."
See gossip is like a bad case of diarrhoea. It feels amazing to take all those spicy, reputation-crushing details in. But once you've got it, you can't hold it in. After thirty whole seconds of secrecy pledges and pinky swearing, you'll eventually tell Raju, who can't hide anything from Meena, who'll be manipulated to spill the beans to Mithu, who's a weakling and tell the entire football team.
Before the end of last period, the news is in every whisper, every passing note in school. Even the teachers are laughing about it in the faculty room.
Everybody is as untrustworthy and weak as you are. Trust nobody.
THE HATER AND SOCIAL MEDIA
See Jenny has that one hater, perhaps an ex-boyfriend she dumped with the excuse of, "Ammu jene gese", who has it out for her. And social networking sites are home delivery services throughout the globe, serving the cold vengeance he seeks. One misleading photo caption, a devious subtweet, or even the old status update can spread a rumour at a rate of 13 shares, 23 likes, 9 comments and about 50 arching eyebrows per minute.
Social media is a hater's best friend. They'll be hiding behind a laptop screen and possibly Googling witty comebacks and retorts to further provoke the rumour.
THE DRAMA LEECH
Are you bored with your dull, drama-less, dispirited excuse of an existence? Here's a thought, why not feed off the scandalous spectacles of other people's lives?
Drama leeches are the kerosene to the wildfire of rumours that is about to engulf everything. They'll be sitting with a safe distance from the fire, keeping their clothes safe. But close enough for a front row view of the rumour tarnishing people, wrecking friendships and causing catfights while they burn their marshmallows and enjoy the show. They'll throw in the occasional subtweet and whispers, creatively exaggerating the rumour further more.
Why they do it? That's like asking why the kid eats cake.
AUNTIE GOSSIP
It'll start with a simple, "Bhabi janen?" outside the school gate.
In the words of a wise soul, gossip is neither created nor destroyed - it is transferred from one auntie to another. This rumour dispersal service is just as efficient to any social media site, if not more. Before you know it, Jenny is victim to not-so-hushed whispers and judgmental glances from every auntie there is and you're not allowed to go over to her place anymore since classified information from the inner bhabi circle firmly advices against it.
Now that you know exactly how a rumour may spread, your life is about to be enhanced in no possible way whatsoever. There is no escaping the rumour mill. Maybe you should go check what you're friends are whispering about in that corner.
Samin Sabah Islam believes there are very few problems in life, if any, that a good nap can't fix. If she isn't asleep, your queries may be answered at [email protected]
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