The ultimate life hack! | The Daily Star
12:00 AM, September 14, 2017 / LAST MODIFIED: 12:00 AM, September 14, 2017

The ultimate life hack!

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I have wasted half my life watching various life hack videos on YouTube. The other half was spent reading life hack articles in countless magazines. But can these videos or articles provide you solutions to all your problems? Not all the time.

I, on the other hand, have discovered the ultimate solution to all your worries. I have rigorously tested the solution myself for the past 15 years and have come to the conclusion that it can be applied to any trouble that may befall you. The answer, my friend, to all your life's misfortunes and the key to finding peace and happiness is sleep. You may ask, “But if I finally get proper sleep how do I share memes about not getting enough sleep and how my love for the magical drink (coffee) transcends everything?” Well, according to meme experts (me), memes about sleeping all the time are way funnier.

Now, I get that you're sceptical especially due to the recent flurry of fake news, so I shall demonstrate.

Situation 1: Your girlfriend Sokhina asked you to call her at 10 AM saying, “I need to talk”. You already know what she means by that. You quickly log onto your messenger and delete all your chats with Jorina and post a picture on Snapchat with a caption about how you gave up smoking for your lovely girlfriend. Instead of going through all the hassle, if you just sleep and not call her at all, can she break up with you? I think not. Better yet, if you had just slept instead of texting Jorina, there wouldn't have been trouble in paradise in the first place.

Situation 2: There's a big test the next day and you haven't studied at all the whole year. You take a picture of the most difficult part of the text, which probably isn't even on the test, and post it on Instagram to show people how torturous the school system is. But your anxiety is slowly kicking in. There's just way too much to cover. Now, take 3 deep breaths and go take a nap! The picture that you posted on Instagram will make people believe that you're studying and this belief will result in you acquiring the knowledge through facilitated diffusion. I sleep through all my classes so you can bet I know my sciences pretty well.

Your mom is asking you to clean your room? Sleep! If you're deep in sleep, you will feel less pain when your mom comes in and beats you with the jharu afterwards for not cleaning your room. If your parents are asking for your report card, go hit the hay! You can't hear your parents asking for anything in your sleep. You feel alone and lonesome? You know the answer! And I can assure you, if for some reason you wake up at 3 AM, you will not feel alone.

Still don't believe me and have doubts? Then please upgrade to the premium package for further demonstrations.

 

Tasnim Odrika is having an existential crisis at the moment and doesn't really know who she is anymore. Send help at odrika_02@yahoo.com.

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