How to Make a Cup of Tea
This is for all the girls who have been badgered since childhood to learn to make tea by their 14 gushti. I am here to teach you this delicate art form.
Before we begin, you need to be enlightened to the significance of acquiring this knowledge. Without this sacred skill, no man would ever agree to marry you (the ultimate goal of any woman's life for sure), because a mother would never let her precious little baby boy get married to a woman who won't even be able to make him a cup of tea after a long hard day at work.
Now, I shall proceed to give you a step by step guide on how to do this.
Step 1
Boil water in a pot. Make sure the water is hot enough to smoulder the sexists who pass comments such as, "Why do you have a job? You should be home taking care of your family."
Step 2
Choose your desired flavour of tea. Here, you have the option of choosing from an assortment of flavours, unlike real life, where no matter what you do, you will end up married off to a mama's boy who probably can't even pour himself a glass of water.
Step 3
Pour the hot water into a cup with the tea bag and let it soak. Cover the cup with a coaster which unfortunately cannot be used to cover up your shashuri's mouth when she starts uttering absurdities such as, "Tomar baba ma tomake ranna keno shikhaye nai?"
Step 4
Serve the tea with some milk and sugar and a side of advice on how not to be a pathetic human being.
So girls, you can see that there are only 4 easy steps standing between you and the approval of aunties. Not to mention, your future marriage also relies upon your tea making abilities. I mean, you don't want to be a 30-year old with a successful job and no husband now, do you?
P.S. This was inspired by YouTuber Superwoman's (Lilly Singh) video, "How to Make a Sandwich".
Tasnim Odrika is having an existential crisis at the moment and doesn't really know who she is anymore. Send her compliments at [email protected]
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