• Sunday, October 26, 2014

HORRIBLE VALENTINE'S DAY GIFTS

Inma Sumaita Rahman

So, tomorrow is Valentine's Day and we know you'll have those last minute panic attacks when you realise you haven't gotten anything for your significant other. Here are some ideas to avoid so that you don't leave your sweetheart fuming.
Now, we understand that it is indeed the thought that counts, but you've got to be more careful with the thoughts that you let on. Even if you're thinking that your sweetheart needs to shed a few pounds, don't EVER get her an ab roller. No weighing scales either. In fact, please refrain from buying your loved one any gym membership, books on losing weight or scale because it will be thrown at your face.
A home cooked meal is definitely romantic; an all you can eat buffet is not, in any way, even close to an equivalent. Do not make your significant other eat alone on Valentine's Day. At KFC.
If you're considering making a paper plane, because it's the thought that counts, I suggest you go think up a new girl/boyfriend. An empty pocket shouldn't hold you back from making an effort. A mixtape [CD, since it's not 1990s any more] would go a long way unless it's death metal; Hammer Smashed Face by Cannibal Corpse is not romantic at all unless your girlfriend adopts a black cat once every month. You can go creative with your glue stick and paste cutesy stuff on a personalised card. However, a strand of your hair is not romantic. If you're giving them a scope for voodoo, you really are asking for some bad luck.
An appointment at the salon for waxing? Giving her ideas for hot liquid that sticks will only end up with it being thrown at you. Winter is almost gone, but we'll still consider sweaters an option.
For all of you who are pragmatic and opt for giving something that's useful such as socks or batteries, Valentine's Day is not for you. Valentine's Day is a ridiculous occasion which circulates around the notion of making silly exaggerated displays of affection to make your significant other feel special. So, if you're up for it, you better do it right.


Published: 12:00 am Thursday, February 13, 2014

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