THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE
ARIES
This is a public service announcement brought to you in part by Slim Shady.
TAURUS
My brain's dead weight, I'm trying to get my head straight.
GEMINI
Dear Slim, I wrote you but you still ain't calling.
CENCER
You got some issues Stan, I think you need some counselling.
LEO
Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
VIRGO
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating.
LIBRA
I'm sorry momma! I never meant to hurt you!
SCORPIO
Tonight I'm cleaning out my closet.
SAGITTARIUS
They call me Superman, I'm here to rescue you.
CAPRICON
Maybe I'll love you one day, maybe we'll someday grow.
AQUARIUS
There's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti.
PISCES
Sing with me, sing for the years, sing for the laughter, sing for the tears.
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