THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE
ARIES
You'll be the Tony Montana of curry powder. Clear your nose.
TAURUS
Your name rhymes with your name. A rap career awaits you.
GEMINI
You can't spell Brokeback Mountain without bro.
CENCER
I mean, it is called HIGH school, right? What's the problem, then?
LEO
We are only as strong as our favourite Taylor Swift track.
VIRGO
This banana won't eat itself, boy. Peel it.
LIBRA
The only safe breakup for you is the one through interpretive dance.
SCORPIO
Be sure to use Epicenter in a teamfight or you'll get reported, bobo.
SAGITTARIUS
I have smelled your future; it's like Dhaka city with a dash of garlic paste.
CAPRICON
Who da real MVP? You da real MVP.
AQUARIUS
Your sad breakfast pictures on Instagram will drive away your potential soulmate.
PISCES
Watch Jet Li movies with your Qurbani animal for good luck.
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