THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE
ARIES
An international man of intrigue and mystery will spirit you away in his van.
TAURUS
Someone near and dear to you will abandon you for a free soup giveaway.
GEMINI
Your uncle will scratch his belly while making eye contact with you.
CENCER
Prepare for a termite infestation in your vicinity.
LEO
A bee will construct an intricate nest beneath your desk chair.
VIRGO
Your life will assume a cyclical quality like a sock going round a washing machine alone.
LIBRA
Your life will assume a 7.8/10 quality due to an overabundance of water.
SCORPIO
ei gurl is ur name cheese coz i want ur parmesan 2 ask ur frnd out
SAGITTARIUS
Hold your horses; restrain thyself this week.
CAPRICON
Some days you will feel like a goat out of water.
AQUARIUS
Someone will refuse to reciprocate your Real Life Facebook Big Like.
PISCES
Your life will shatter into a thousand little pisces.
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