Error 404
1990: "Hello, Hello! Microphone testing, 1, 2, 3."
2015: "Hello, Hello! Facebook testing 1, 2, 3."
Just like the ill-fated Blackhawk, it's Facebook Down. With seventeen million hyper-busy users offline, Mark Zuckerberg gets a breather and takes two months off as paternity leave, risking a cut on his already whopping $1 per year salary. A nation is thrown into digital rehab, jittery from withdrawal. Boring lectures are back to being boring with nothing to WhatsApp or Facebook or Viber about. Nice verbs by the way.
With WhatsApp now WhatsDown and Viber now a barren Khyber Pass, Telegram rises from the ashes like the Phoenix. I'm talking about Telegram the messenger. Then again, perhaps the good old analog one is also making a comeback. It is all a marketing ploy of Telegram (both versions) to capture new clients.
Oh by the way, Twitter never went down. This shows how 'popular' it is in Bangladesh. Being a non-believer in elevator pitches, is it a surprise that we have voluntarily shunned it with its stingy 140 character limit?
But the information highway is just like the post-Tavella Kemal Ataturk Avenue. No matter how and where you block it, there is always a way around for the determined. How else do you explain an expensive part of my expensive Specialized Rockhopper mountain bike getting stolen from the expensive area called Gulshan?
Welcome to Digital Bangladesh. The foxy move to shut off social media ends up in proxy servers bringing back the crowd through VPNs – Virtual Private Networks. I am sure those who are innocently treading social media are being watched by Big Brother. Not THAT Big Bro who has his eyes only on Italians. Eye in the sky or not, the fearless Facebookies are on VPN – Voy Pai Naa. By the way, this is an exception where I diss Bhoy for Voy, otherwise I still stick to Bhai and not Vai.
As for the high profile person with a Facebook profile, he must maintain a low profile, else he will be profiled as conforming to the profile of a non-conformist. But VPN is not merely an app, it is an apple tempting us from the Garden of Eden. With us mere sinful mortals, we succumb to the click. Of course, I am the last to jump on the VPN bandwagon and find myself to be a total stranger to my own Facebook profile.
Thus the fire for Facebook is re-kindled. Just sneaking in there with two clicks (VPN + Facebook) is enough of a kick. No need to check or update the Facebook status, because simply being on Facebook is a matter of utmost status. Even some of the powers-that-be are unable to resist the temptation of hanging out on the dark side via their own VPN (Very Privileged Network).
It is all with the good intention of reining in the notorious. However, the cure we prescribe for a headache is "Off with the head." We forget that just like the bad and the ugly, the good remains a step ahead. Therefore, it is not just the country, but the whole world that needs to re-think how to address the cancer that has overwhelmed every continent, except perhaps Antarctica (well, it's dealing with melting ice caps). Planes fly into the World Trade Center Towers and Iraq is invaded, Paris is attacked and there are hate crimes against Muslims, the Russians bomb Damascus and Turkey shoots down a Russian fighter jet, Hamas fires rockets and Israel bombs the West Bank, the Talibans blow up a Kabul market and US jets bomb a hospital... these are all parts of a massive and deadly game of ping pong bringing us back to square one.
Error 404: Peace cannot be found.
As for us in this country, enjoy the ride between Digital and Analog Bangladesh.
The writer is an engineer at Ford & Qualcomm USA and CEO of IBM & Nokia Siemens Networks Bangladesh turned comedian (by choice), the host of ABC Radio's Good Morning Bangladesh and the founder of Naveed's Comedy Club. E-mail: [email protected]
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