Animal Planet
There is ecstasy upon discovering the ancient boat in Kutubdia, immediately followed by agony. The vessel is already DoA – Dead on Arrival. Sigh! Ok guys, drop the sticks and machetes and go home. Party's over.
We are luckier with the rare dolphin though. It even smiles as we beat it to death. And then all pose in front of it – the poor man's version of the black and white photo of the British Raj posing in front of the freshly shot tiger.
This is our idea of entertainment. After all, we grow up kicking the dog which was minding its own business, pouring hot water onto it to enjoy the instant yelping, taunting while stoning the entangled, enamoured pair of quadrupeds engaged in procreating.
But does it mean that we're inherently cruel to animals? Definitely not. The whole country is one big animal shelter, providing a safe shelter for all the animals who are Amused to Death at the notion of inflicting slow death onto a 13 year old. Then again, one shouldn't call these people animals – doing so is an insult to animals.
Nevertheless, the benevolent shelter provides the additional service, albeit not quite free of cost, of enabling one in the pack to travel from Sylhet to Jeddah in record time.
It is also in record time that the sick minded stick wielder is apprehended, thanks to the Bangladeshis in Jeddah who get from us nothing but the rough end of the stick.
Never underestimate the power of social media…
Neither did the killers of Rajon. They upload the video of their version of a scene from National Geographic in Masai Mara, hoping to have this video be out-viewed compared to the one by the hunter from Down Under in Chittagong shooting his pet deer at close range and then slaughtering it (ISIS, you got competition). I'm sure the producers have regrets from not capturing any selfies. After all, the hands were busy beating up Rajon with a stick. Or, maybe it was the selfie stick that was being used to 'poke' the boy.
The mark of a man! And others need to know about it too to boost the ego. In the digital age, the manifestation of this age old desire is to go viral online with acts of one's own prowess. The high comes in seeing the high number of 'thumbs up's or 'views' of the videos. Who cares if there are as many number of 'thumbs down's.
The bragging rights also give social media vigilantes their bragging rights to bring the bragging blights to justice. After all, each upload is evidence etched in stone and everybody online is CNN's iReporter.
The Rajon incident is lynching in its true form. However, we don't use this word which makes us otherwise picture a lone, helpless black boy up against a full local chapter of the Ku Klux Klan. Instead, we have novocained the word 'lynching' to 'gonopituni', which sounds playful, even adorable. Hence, 'chor petano' is a popular sport, not of being innocent until proven guilty, but rather, of being guilty as soon as a passerby makes a passing remark, literally, until proven dead.
"Yes, I saw him do it." What follows is the instant, synchronised and highly enthusiastic collective: "Chor! Chor!!"
We may not even move our lazy behinds to fetch a glass of water for ourselves, but this Pied Piper like electrifying beckoning gets us to spring up and sprint down to home in on the one lone target, usually someone not our own size. Hey, we don't want to be left out of the evening adda on how many punches we were able to land on the perpetrator.
It's like a scene from Animal Planet as the leopard toys around with the terrified gazelle that he has caught before going in for the kill. The camera zooms in and the narrator whispers, "Oh, what a beauty!".
The not-so-lucky, who are unable to partake in the sport, are relegated to the stands to chant "Ole!" at every bodily strike.
'Steal' (if at all) a pint, and we merrily lynch. Steal Meryll Lynch and we kiss on till eternity that area of the anatomy of the mastermind which sees no sunlight. Shabash Bangladesh!
Then again, it is this very Bangladesh where we can defy gravity as even the most complex job gets done quickly once it is escalated. For the sake of Rajon, let us collectively levitate, so that once and for all, we see an end to all such tragedies…
The writer is an engineer at Ford & Qualcomm USA and CEO of IBM & Nokia Siemens Networks Bangladesh turned comedian (by choice), the host of NTV's The Naveed Mahbub Show and the founder of Naveed's Comedy Club.
E-mail: [email protected]
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