How to get away with white lies
There are times when post-scripts and clarifications need to be given at the start. So in case my boss or any potential future employer is reading this, the following story is fictitious and any resemblance to anyone, mostly me, is purely coincidental. Let it be known for all future references, I do not or have not at any point of time done any of these.
But it is no great secret that we all lie – be it the inconsequential traffic jam excuse to the "No mum, that definitely was not a female voice you heard in the background." And the workplace is no different. A generation which grew up using the excuse of roadblocks and traffic jams to cover for their tardiness does not just one day decide that waking up on time is a skill worth learning. What we forget is that it never worked on our teachers and that it won't work now, even though our bosses might not be able to send us to the corner to stand holding our ears. Hallelujah for the HR department.
Workplace lies can take many forms – but leaving out the kind which involves Swiss Bank accounts, the lies we tell everyday tend to be within the bounds of the following.
The troll ate my email
You did this when it came to university assignments. Of course you sent in your work last night, it's not your fault the boss did not get the email. Check the spam folder maybe? Not there either, huh? Well the internet trolls must have eaten it then. Your boss must definitely get a new antivirus and let's just leave it at that.
Drop the jargon
This works if you are a slow or lazy worker and your superior is not really sure what you actually get paid to do. Drop the jargon like sleet and rain during a kalboishakhi. Words to know for pulling this off can range from social media hits, rendering, Giga hertz, horsepower, scheduling and so on. You get the gist.
Argh the office internet sucks
This only works when the workplace has a connection slower than that teacher who taught you Bangla grammar at school. You come in to work on time, your boss has not seen you leave the desk for hours but yet somehow nothing has been completed. Why? Blame it on the internet. "The files are still downloading; the files are still uploading; the website is malfunctioning; the computer is slow because the internet sucks here." Take your pick.
No, of course I did not JUST walk in to the office
You woke up early for once and walked into your cubicle – only to find you are the only one present. What do you do? The hard worker that you are, you go hang out with the new canteen boy for half an hour. By the time you come back, your boss is there. "Of course I did not just get in, I was taking care of some lose ends, umm, getting print outs, etc. etc. etc."
But of course, you must remember, all these are white lies as long as you eventually get the work done. And on time. Your teachers were smart enough to see through you and so will your boss. Use sparsely and use wisely. Words to remember – if this is what brings in your pay cheque, better not muck about too much.
Comments