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Write to Mita

Dear Mita,
I am an 18-year-old girl with weight issues. I currently weigh 90lbs and my height is 5 ft 5 inches. For my height I am underweight and I am well aware of this, but I always feel fat. I look at myself in the mirror and I see flaws everywhere. Either my thighs look too big or I have a paunch. I eat less so I will lose weight and am getting sick because of this. People have started telling me I look scary and doctor says I will develop serious medical problems in the future. But I can't control the way I think. Please tell me what I can do to change this.

Skeleton

Dear Skeleton,
Please treat the problem from a scientific point of view. First of all, for your height, you are under weight. There is a scientific way of assessing weight, height proportions which you must do right from a reliable source. If you see flaws in the way you look then there are other remedies and the most important one is exercise. Any disproportion in your body can be solved by proper exercise under a good trainer. Your doctor is right in saying you will develop serious medical problems in future. A good balanced diet with proper exercise is the key to good health. Please remember if you don't feel good you will never look good.

Dear Mita,
I am an undergraduate student from a reputed university in Bangladesh. Being in the engineering faculty, I have to go through a lot of lab work, coursework and assignments. I also work as a part time customer care support at a mobile operator company. All of this creates a lot of pressure on me. Especially before and during exam times, I kind of lose myself. These days, this pressure handling is getting even worse. When I feel I have a lot of work and very less time, I just stop working on everything. I have already skipped two midterms, which might result in an F in the end of the semester; I am skipping office on a regular basis. The pressure, now added with failure is frustrating me badly. I think I am becoming a quitter. Whenever I see a problem, instead of facing it, I try to avoid it. It feels I have given up on life. Please tell me what I should do to put my mind back together and get back to an active life?

Quitter

Dear Quitter,
The first thing you have to do is stop calling yourself a quitter. You have done well so far and there is no reason you can continue to do so. What you need to do is take a step back and calm down. You are much too concerned about success and achievements. Prioritise what is most important at this time. Obviously it is studies. Your part time job might give you temporary benefits, but it is your education and its successful completion that will give you the tool towards a successful career in future. Therefore, if the pressure is too much then leave your job and concentrate on your studies. Stop missing semesters and get back on track. I am confident if you show a little determination you will be able to resolve this temporary problem easily.

Dear Mita,
I am obsessed with a married woman, who has been trying her best to avoid me by not answering my phone calls, sms, emails, letters and accepting my gifts. We were once friends and I guess that is one reason why she never complains to the police about me. I understand her silence but I cannot make my mind come to terms with it. I keep on making stories in my mind about her and our conjugal life. I am often tempted to say in public that I am married to her when someone asks me. I have been to psychiatrist, talked with friends, colleagues and even tried religion but nothing seems to pacify my obsession about her. Each night, I pray to God that he blesses me with an accident or something of that sort to help me end my life. I myself have tried that once but could not gather up enough courage to execute it. My friends who know about my situation call me selfish and inconsiderate. However nothing is helping.

Obsessed

Dear Obsessed,
Let me tell you that your obsession will take you nowhere. In the process you will destroy your life and the life of the person who you profess to love. You should be grateful that she is not complaining to the police and getting you arrested. If she complains under the women repression act then you will be arrested with a non-bailable warrant. Somehow you have to come to terms with the fact that she is no longer in your life. She has chosen to be with someone else and that is the truth. If seeing a psychiatrist has not helped then take long term counselling. You need to resolve a number of issues and this will take time. However, please let go of her, this is unhealthy and not normal.