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Dear Mita
I am in love with a man who seems like the perfect man. He is good looking, has a good job, he is kind, caring and very attentive. The problem is that after we get married we have to stay with his parents and although they seem nice I really want to live on my own with my husband. I just can't see myself in a joint family. My husband is very attached to his parents and it will break his heart if I tell him this. How do I tell him? Or should I just give in and forget about my dreams?
Dreamer

Dear Dreamer,
This is a problem that can only be solved by the two of you. If he feels so strongly about living with his parents then staying away might create tension between you two. On the other hand living together might sour relations and then everyone will be unhappy. You should talk to your husband frankly and tell him about your dreams to set up a separate household. He might understand but you must make sure that even if you live separately he will be free to take care of them.

Dear Mita,
My mother-in-law is driving me crazy. She always finds fault with everything I do whether it is my cooking, how I raise my children or even how I run my household. The strange thing is that she keeps talking about these things in front of other people. My husband has tried to talk to her but that only makes it worse because then she becomes even meaner. I have tried to be nice to her but it comes out rather fake as I always feel she is judging me. What should I do?
Troubled Daughter-in-Law

Dear Daughter-in-law,
Your problem is not unique and many have fallen prey to the meanness and pettiness of mother in laws. The most important thing is to have your husband on your side. If he defends you then you have an ally who will be on your side no matter what. It is difficult to advise because each case is different but have you tried to talk to her and find out her problem? Try to be nice if you can and perhaps she is judging you but think of her as an old lonely woman who has nothing better to do.

Dear Mita,
I am a newly married woman and living with my in laws. I have been married about six months. At first it seemed everything was alright, my father in law and mother in law are both quite old. The problem is with my brother-in -law who seems a bit too friendly with me. The other day he just walked into my room without knocking and asked about something. My husband is a lawyer and is out most of the day and I am left to myself most of the time. My brother-in-law is still in the university and is at least three to four years younger than me so I try to treat him like a younger brother. But I think he pays too much attention to me and always says how pretty I am. It is very irritating and I don't know who to tell.
Sad Bride

Dear Sad Bride,
A woman instinctively understands if someone is giving her unwarranted attention. If such is the case then you should tell him first of all. You should say it in a way that it does not hurt or offend him but also he gets the message very clearly. You should set some rules and get your husband's endorsement. These maybe, always knock when entering your room; not paying unnecessary compliments; respecting your privacy at all times etc. Meanwhile, you might talk with your brother- in-law about his friends, girl friends and try to understand his world. Perhaps he needs a friend and does not know how to approach it.

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