::: Star Weekend Magazine :::

Jokes

From the other side of the globe

Learn to speak Chinese
Are you harbouring a fugitive- Hu Yu Hai Ding
See me A.S.A.P. - Kum Hia Nao
Small Horse - Tai Ni Po Ni
Your price is too high - No Bai Dam Thing
Did you go to the beach - Wai Yu So Tan
I bumped into a coffee table - Ai Bang Mai Ni
I think you need a facelift - Chin Tu Fat
It's very dark in here - Wai So Dim?
Has your flight been delayed? - Hao Long Wei Ting?
I thought you were on a diet - Wai Yu Mun Ching?
This is a tow away zone. - No Pah King
You are not very bright - Yu So Dum
I got this for free - Ai No Pei
I am not guilty - Wai Hang Mi?
Please, stay a while longer - Wai Go Nao?
Our meeting was scheduled for next week - Wai Yu Kum Nao
They have arrived - Hia Dei Kum
Stay out of sight - Lei Lo
He's cleaning his automobile - Wa Shing Ka

Smart Cape Bretoner
These three men were stranded on an island: a Nefoundlander, a Cape Bretoner and a Quebecian. The three searched the island to try to find a way off when the Nefoundlander came upon a lamp with a genie. The genie popped up and said, "I will grant three wishes, so that's one for each of you." So the Newfoundlander goes, "Well I wish I was back in Newfoundland." So puff, he was sent to Newfoundland.

Then the Quebecian jumps up and says me next me next, I know exactly what I want. The Quebecian says, "I would like to build a wall. I want this wall to be 1000 feet high and I want it to surround Quebec, so that nothing can get in and nothing can get out, and I want to be in Quebec." So the genie says okay and builds the wall, and now Quebec is officially separate from the rest of Canada and the Quebecian is back there.

So now the Cape Bretoner gets up and says, "Tell me more about this wall." So the genie tells him, "This wall is 1000 feet high and surrounds Quebec and noting can pass in or out of Quebec."

So the Cape Bretoner says, "Okay. Fill it with water.”

Blond Guy and His Lunch
There was an Irishman, Mexican, and a blond guy, who were construction workers and they were working on top of a building. It was lunch time and the Irish man opens his lunch pail and he gets cabbage and beef and he says, "If I get one more beef and cabbage for lunch I'm gonna jump off of this building."

Then the Mexican opens his lunch pail and he gets a burrito, he says if I get one more burrito for lunch I'm gonna jump off this building. The blond man opens his lunch pale and gets a bologna sandwich he said if I get one more bologna sandwich I'm gonna jump off this building.

The next day the Irish man opens his lunch pail and finds cabbage and beef so he jumps off the building to his death. Then the Mexican opens hid lunch pail and finds a burrito so he jumps off the building to his death. Then the blond guy opens his lunch pale and finds a bologna sandwich, so he jumps off to his death as well.

The next day at their funeral the Irish man's wife said, ''Bagorrah, only if I had known that he didn't like cabbage and beef I would have packed him something else." Then the Mexican's wife then said, ''If I only knew he didn't like burritos, I would have packed something else.'' Finally, the blonde man's wife said, ''I don't know what his problem was; he packed his own lunch.''