Top 10 signs
You Are No Longer "Cool" When
♦ You find yourself listening to talk radio.
♦ You daughter says she got pierced and you look at her ears.
♦ The pattern on your shorts and couch match.
♦ You fondly remember your powder blue leisure suit.
♦ You think Tragically Hip is when a middle-aged man gets a new sports car, hairpiece and a 20-year-old girlfriend.
♦ You criticise the kids of today for their satanic suicide-inducing music, forgetting that you rocked to Alice Cooper and Black Sabbath.
♦ You call the police on a noisy party next door instead of grabbing beer and joining it.
♦ You turn down free tickets to a rock concert because you have to work the next day.
♦ When grass is something that you cut, not cultivate.
♦ When jogging is something you do to your memory.
♦ Getting a little action means your prune juice is working.
♦ All the cars behind you flash their headlights.
♦ You remember the "Rolling Stones" as a rock group not a corporation.
♦ You bought your first car for the same price you paid for your son's new running shoes.
♦ You actually ASK for your father's advice.
♦ You don't know how to operate a fax machine.
♦ When someone mentions SURFING you picture waves and a surfboard.
Time to do the laundry
♦ You're wearing your last pair of underwear in the shower consistently.
♦ You've worn your sheets to school because you can't get them off of you.
♦ Your socks act like a shirt does when it's heavily starched and emit a serious funk.
♦ Your roommate walks around wearing a full body medical suit like they did in the movie "Outbreak" to avoid catching the Ebola virus.
♦ The Snuggle Bear on the softener bottle officially died last week.
♦ The DEA's drug sniffing dog is always coming by to sniff your laundry because the strong stench makes him think you have 28 tons of pot in your closet.
♦ Even after sewing 28 spring scented dryer sheets to the inside of your shirt, your friends still say you reek.
♦ The phrase "Wash Me" is visibly written in your jeans.
♦ Your red T-shirt is now green.
♦ The boss pulls you aside to remind you that your company's casual days do not include your college graduation gown and scuba diving fins.
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