Jokes

Philosophically speaking . . .

More lines to live by . . .

(G-I)
*Good judgement comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgement.
*Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
*He who laughs last thinks slowest.
*How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.
*I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
*I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
*I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.
*I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
*I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
*I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
*I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
*I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?
*I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
*I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
*I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
*I used to have a handle on life, and then it broke.
*I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
*I won't rise to the occasion, but I'll slide over to it.
*I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!
*I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
*If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
*If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
*If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
*If you can't convince them, confuse them.
*If you haven't much education you must use your brain.
*If you lend someone 100 taka, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
*If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
*If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of bill payments.
*It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
*It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
*It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
*It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbour's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

Computer Gender
A language instructor was explaining to her class that French nouns, unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine. Things like 'chalk' or 'pencil,' she described, would have a gender association although in English these words were neutral.

Puzzled, one student raised his hand and asked, "What gender is a computer?"

The teacher wasn't certain which it was, and so divided the class into two groups and asked them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine. One group was composed of the women in the class, and the other, of men. Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The group of women concluded that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:
1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they are the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one you realise that if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.
The men, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be referred to in the feminine gender because:
1. No one but their creator can understand their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

Copyright (R) thedailystar.net 2005