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Write
to Mita
Dear
Mita,
My friend and I are international students, attending university
in Canada. He is Bangali, I am Romanian. We have been good
friends for a long time now and we enjoy each other's company.
Lately though, I realised that he means so much more than
a friend to me. I hoped to be able to tell him somehow that
my feelings for him have changed, until one day we had a casual
discussion about relationships in Bangladesh. He mentioned
then how important for him and his family it is that one day
he finds a good Muslim, Bangali young woman. That left me
with very little hope. I am an Eastern Orthodox Christian
and truly believe in it, but I have always had a lot of respect
for this young man and his beliefs, and never felt that we
were drawing religious or cultural barriers between us. Now,
I have such a hard time not knowing if this amazing young
man, who makes me so happy, would ever give me, a non-Muslim
and non-Bangali, a chance. What do you think I should do?
Should I tell him anything about how I feel towards him or
not?
Non-Muslim, non-Bangali, truly in love
Dear
Truly in Love,
Young people marrying outside of their religion and culture
is a growing phenomenon in Bangladesh. The acceptance of this
is growing as many families realise the reality of cross-border
friendships, relationships, etc. This particular gentleman
is probably from a family in which marriages across cultures
and religions is highly discouraged. The important thing is
to get a sense of how he feels about you. Perhaps he is struggling
between his loyalty towards his family and his feelings for
you. You might want to tell him and take your chances. However,
you must be prepared for the consequences, which might be
painful. It might jeopardise your friendship with him. However,
I think it is important for you to know where you stand in
this relationship.
Dear
Mita,
I am in love with a person of the same sex. We have been together
for the past four years. We want to settle in Bangladesh but
our relationship there will not be legal. What can we do?
X
Dear
X,
I afraid I am not competent enough to answer you. This is
a very difficult issue and you should consult a lawyer.
Dear
Mita,
I am a working woman. My problem is with my boss. She is a
very critical kind of person. She is always looking for faults
in me. I don't know why she is always after me, even though
she knows that there is certain work which only I can do.
She never criticises my colleagues, only me. If she continues
like this, my promotion will be nothing but a dream. I don't
believe in changing jobs just because of problems with the
boss. I try to be quiet and finish my work on time. She wants
me to be done far before the deadline but this is not always
possible. Please help me.
Angst-ridden
Dear
Angst-ridden,
You are in an unfortunate situation with little chance of
improving. This is just one of those things -- if you are
lucky you will get a good boss otherwise you won't. If it
is at all possible I would recommend that you start looking
for another job. However, be very realistic about the possibility
and absolutely do not resign till you find a suitable job.
The other thing is to put your heart and soul into doing something
so special that she will be forced to appreciate you. I must
caution you that if she is an insecure person nothing you
do will help.
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(R) thedailystar.net 2004
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