Theoretically Speaking . . .

A little girl in a school in the USSR was asked to use the word "communist" in a sentence.
She said, "My cat just had a litter of kittens and they are all communists."
A month later the same little girl was asked to use the word "capitalist" in a sentence.
She said: "My cat had a litter of kittens and now they are capitalists."
The teacher was shocked and asked what had happened to the kittens.
The little girl responded, "Well they have opened their eyes now!"

A great Soviet General was once asked by his adjutant, "Comrade General, what is the meaning of Marxist dialectic?"
The General replied, "I will explain it to you with an example. A filthy man is standing outside a bathhouse. Will he go in?"
"Of course," replied the adjutant.
"No, you're wrong," said the General. "A filthy man is filthy by his nature, and will not go into the bathhouse. Only clean men, knowing the virtues of cleanliness, will bathe."
"I understand, Comrade General."
"Now, let me give you another example. A filthy man is standing outside a bathhouse. Will he go in?"
"Absolutely not," replied the adjutant immediately.
"You're wrong again," said the General. "Why should a filthy man not enter a bathhouse? He is dirty, the bathhouse is there to enable him to become clean, and he will use it."
"I think I understand, Comrade."
"Now, one last example. A filthy man is standing outside a bathhouse. Will he go in?"
"How the hell should I know?"
"Now, Comrade, you truly understand the meaning of Marxist dialectic."

Elderly woman meets elderly gentleman on the street.
Her: Aren't you Ed Filby? I haven't seen you in thirty-years.
Him: That's me.
Her: You look pretty good -- but a little pale. Where have you been?
Him: Been in jail, actually.
Her: Really! What did you do?
Him: Well, I killed my wife. I chopped her up in little pieces and put her in the garbage disposal.
Her: Oh! . . . So you're not married!

This yuppie had just gotten his first BMW and wanted to show it off to his friends. So he goes motoring up Gulshan, and parks at his friend's apartment. He was so excited that he forgot to look when he opened the door. Just then, a taxi comes screaming up and neatly removes the door from the car, along with the guy's left arm.
The guy jumps out of his car and starts screaming, "My BMW, my BMW!"
The taxi driver comes running up, and says, "Listen, you're in shock, your arm was taken off and you're losing a lot of blood."

The yuppie just notices that his arm was ripped off and starts to yell, "My Rolex, my Rolex!!"

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